Page 24 of The Paris Chapter

‘It was.’ He gave me a crooked smile. ‘But I really don’t mind.’

We lapsed into silence until I turned onto my side. Ethan copied me so we faced one another. We were closer than we had ever been. I noticed the brightness of his blue eyes. And thesoftness of his fair hair. And the faint line of stubble on his chin that was at odds with his youthful face – in a good way. Like maybe there was an edge to him that you’d only find out if you really knew him. The thought lit a spark inside me that was unexpected.

I want to know him.

I felt my gaze drop to his lips. I wondered how he would kiss. Gently? Sweetly? But then it would turn hungry…

‘Tessa,’ Ethan said in a low voice. I quickly lifted my eyes back to his. ‘Um…’ He shook his head. ‘I think I better go. You need to sleep. And this… I should go.’

‘What if you didn’t?’ I whispered. I liked this. Lying next to him. My heart started to pound. I had no idea what I was doing, but the thought of him getting up and going to sleep on the sofa made me ache.

‘We’ve both been drinking,’ he said with a sigh. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to stay and talk to you but I’m worried that I might…’ He trailed off. I wasn’t sure what he was about to say but it made me wonder whether he could feel the same spark in the air. I was scared of it too much to ask him though.

‘Why don’t you stay and sleep here? Just sleep,’ I said. ‘It’s nice.’

Ethan smiled. ‘Yeah, it is nice.’

‘We can stay in our clothes,’ I added. It would be safer that way.

He shook his head. ‘I don’t think I should.’ His gaze flicked to my lips then. ‘You’re so close,’ he whispered.

My heart leapt at the thought he might be thinking about what kissing me would be like too. But it was coupled with a twist inside my stomach because the thought of closing the small space between us was too hard to contemplate. Letting someone in again was something I wasn’t ready for. Ethan was making mewant to though. There were so many emotions coursing through me. I wondered if he could tell or not.

‘I’m sorry, I just… want you to stay,’ I whispered back.

He watched for me a moment then nodded. ‘It’s okay,’ he said. Then he reached out and brushed back a hair from my face. A shiver ran down my back. I wondered if he noticed. ‘I’ll stay.’

‘You promise?’ I whispered back. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was asking, but it felt like I needed to ask him that.

‘I promise,’ he replied as if he understood.

Maybe he did. Maybe he was thinking some of the things I was. All I knew was there was something comforting about Ethan being beside me, and I wanted to hold on to that. He was calming even though the pull I felt towards him was terrifying.

My eyes closed and side-by-side, facing each other, we fell asleep like it was the most natural thing in the world.

12

When I opened my eyes the next morning, I was startled for a moment to see Ethan sleeping beside me.

Then the night before came back in snapshot like Polaroid pictures, faded and dream-like but beautiful memories.

I’d had so much fun with Ethan and his friends. And then afterwards, I’d felt closer to him than I had with anyone new for a long time. I could tell Carly and Luke anything, and my parents were always there if I needed them, but new friendships or relationships never seemed to scratch the surface.

I stared at Ethan sleeping, hoping it wasn’t creepy, and I couldn’t help but compare last night with my six months with Joe. I don’t think I’d ever felt as comfortable with another man as I had last night with Ethan. The thought was scary but somehow, Ethan also felt safe.

‘I can feel you,’ Ethan murmured then. He opened one eye, then the other, and smiled sleepily, pushing his ruffled hair back off his face. His eyes were really a beautiful blue. A crack of morning light streamed in through the blinds, lighting them up.

‘I love your eyes,’ I said, before I could stop myself.

‘Yeah?’ He smiled and reached out to gently touch my lip. ‘I love your smile.’

My heart started to hammer as we stared at one another. He slowly withdrew his hand. I wanted it back. ‘I’m sorry I begged you to stay,’ I said softly, wondering if I should feel embarrassed. I kind of did, but I couldn’t lie – I was enjoying waking up beside Ethan.

‘I’m not,’ he replied. ‘Tu es belle.’

‘Speaking French is pretty sexy,’ I admitted, trying to remember enough French to translate his words.Bellewas beautiful, I was sure of that. My heart beat even faster. I had been so sure that I wanted to stay the hell away from men, but now this guy was right beside me in bed telling me lovely things in French. I wasn’t sure when I’d realised Ethan was extremely cute. But now I had, I couldn’t un-see it.

‘Good. I need all the help I can get.’ Ethan smiled but I sensed there was something underneath that casual sentence. He seemed as nervous, as unsure, as me.

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