Page 139 of Fumbled Into Love

My nails are the wrong color.

You didn’t plan a party?

I was so ecstatic she said yes, I failed to see the other signs. Her perpetual disdain for the way I showed her my love. It wasn’t flashy or loud enough and wasn’t something she could use to brag to others.

Because of that, there’s this deep-rooted fear that it won’t be enough for Nathalie, either. I love her more than I thought was possible. She is a breath of fresh air and the warmth of the sun on my skin, the hope in the first rays of a sunrise, but she wants a loud type of love.

I don’t know if my love is enough for her.

I want it to be.

“Uh…I think he’s spiraling.” Declan steps into my path, halting my pacing. Large hands bracket my shoulders and squeeze. “Why are you freaking out?”

“W-what if it isn’t enough for her?”

More so, what if I’m not enough for her?

“Did you know she has a photo of you and Gordie on her desk at work?” My eyes dart to Henry and his smile is soft. I shake my head. “Sawyer told me last week that there are multiple photos of you and,” he points to Gordie, perched high atop his tower, “him.”

Henry narrows his gaze on Gordie, who drew blood earlier when he attacked Henry’s ankles as he walked by. Clearly, Henry is still upset.

It’s Gordie’s kingdom and we just live in it.

“She talks about you all the time,” Declan says, raising the tone of his voice, “Deon and I did this. Deon, blah, blah, blah.Puzzles. Tea. Pretzels.”A small smile pulls my lip upward and Declan sobers. “Nathalie talks about youa lot.It’s quite annoying,” he deadpans, but his lips fold inward to suppress his smile.

“Why don’t you try again,” Jack prods, and I nod.

I can do this.

With a deep breath, I jump into my speech, stumbling over words and pretending that it’s Nathalie on the couch and not my three teammates, who all wear goofy grins.

The declaration is rough and choppy and I choke on my words, but I get them out, and in the end, they’re flowing out of me like the dam has been blown to smithereens and a river can flow freely once more.

When I finish, Declan is sniffling, Henry is smiling proudly, and Jack has tears streaking down his cheeks.

I grimace.

“You’re ready,” Jack says, wiping away tears. “Our boy has grown into a man.”

“For the love of—” I start, but I’m cut off by Declan, naturally.

“That wasbeautiful! Absolutely marvelous. No way it came from your mind.” My eyes widen and they dart to the pile of romance novels sitting in the corner of the room, waiting to be shelved. Declan sighs. “Thought so. You had help.”

“They’re incredibly informative,” I mutter.

Henry loses it. “I used movies; you used books. Can’t make fun of me anymore.” He sticks his tongue out.

“Let’s get back to work,” I grumble, but their laughter lightens the air in the room. Their compliments and support settle inmy chest, giving me the strength to start on the one task I have to complete alone: making a friendship bracelet.

CHAPTER 31

“I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me”

Silver Springs – Fleetwood Mac

Nathalie

The car is sickeningly quiet as Sawyer drives. She insisted she pick me up and I had no energy to fight her.

---