Page 91 of A Game Plan for Love

“But you kissed.”

Ah. “Not everyone who kisses gets married.”

She processes the information, then continues her interrogation. “I love him and he loves me. So he loves you, too.”

I wish it were that simple.

“He does love you, yes. But there are different types of love. And the way he loves you is not the same way you love someone you marry.”

Her brows furrow. “Do you love him like married people?”

“I don’t know.” The way my heart thuds in my chest offers a different answer. The way I wanted to beg him to choose us today says differently.

“Mommy…” she trails off, confusion and timidness overtaking her face. Her voice quiets. “If you got married, would he want to be my dad?”

Tears spring to my eyes and I have to force them away and still my trembling hands. I knew this conversation was coming, but I thought I had more time to prepare myself. I can’t speak for him, and it crushes me I can’t give her a solid answer.

I wish he were here to help me navigate this, and that’s all I need to know; I’m too far in to salvage my heart. If I didn’t have to protect Nora, I would have dived headfirst into our relationship, but I owe it to her to make a level-headed choice, even if it ends in heartbreak.

But I have delusional faith in the dreams he talks about.

“That’s complicated.” I sigh and pat my thigh for her to crawl onto my lap. “It would be up to you and him. If you wanted to call him that, and if he was okay with filling that role. But we’re not getting married,” I say again, just so it’s clear.

Don’t need her running around telling people we’re married.

“And if you don’t get married? Would he still want to be my dad?”

My heart cracks at her trying to piece together how they fit. I make the impulsive decision to ask the question that scares me. How real were the words she spoke while sick? “Do you want Declan to be your dad?”

She nods her head, just barely, and I choke back a sob. I have no idea what to say about her confession, so I just smooth her hair.

“I miss him,” she admits.

“You saw him this morning.” She shrugs, but her lips turn downward. I miss him, too.He belongs here with us.“Did you want to talk to him?”

“Yes. Yes. Yes!” She bounces on my lap, and I groan as she elbows my stomach. I pull out my phone and call him. It rings twice before his face pops on the screen, and Nora screams. “Decy!”

“Nora!” The color has returned to his face, and his eyes sparkle. “Addie,” he purrs, sending the rumbling straight to my lower stomach. “How are my girls?”

My stomach flutters.

“I got a sticker on my math test today!” Nora says, “And Mommy said you’re going to get married.”

“What the fuck?!” I look into the camera at Declan, who is stifling a laugh. “She’s lying. She asked me if we were getting married, and I told her no!”

Declan’s face is beet red, and that’s what it takes for me to realize I’m an adult and this is not a logical response. Nora seizes the opportunity and runs over to her jar, stuffed with bills, thanks to our friends.

“Money!” she says, extending the mason jar.

“You can’t get money if the swear word originates because of a lie,” Declan says through the phone. Her nose scrunches. “You shouldn’t lie, Nora.”

“I’m sorry,” she pouts, crawling back into my lap. Her shoulders slump at his subtle discipline, and she burrows into my chest for comfort.

“It’s alright. Let’s just not do it again, okay?” His eyes soften, and he offers her a reassuring smile. “Why don’t you go get your pajamas on so I can talk to your mom?”

I help her off the couch, and when she’s out of earshot, Declan asks, “Are you alright?”

“It’s been a long day,” I admit.

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