Page 10 of Wandering Wild

Instead, Ember says, her voice quiet, “Say something, Charlie Bear.”

I settle on the first coherent sentence I can form, snatching my hand from hers as I screech, “What the hell, Ember?”

She jumps slightly, then adopts a soothing tone as she explains, “When I called the competition people back after speaking with Dr. Gibbons, they said I could transfer the prize to someone else. I didn’t—I just—” She clears her throat. “I know you hate Zander. And I understand why. But Hawke...” She leans toward me, her next words prompting a sharp, unexpected pain in my chest. “Your mum was obsessed with him, Charlie.Obsessed. She watched every episode he ever filmed, and I swear she ran some of those fan accounts dedicated to him—that’s how much she loved him. So this prize... she’d be the first person shoving you out the door to meet him.”

Ember wasn’t wrong. “Obsessed” didn’t come close to describing how my mother felt about Rykon Hawke. She used to watch anything he was in—not onlyHawke’s Wild World, but interviews, cameo appearances, everything. She donated to his rehabilitation camps, sponsored kids to go to them, read his books, listened to his podcasts, even bought survival merchandise with his branding despite having no use for most of it. If Andrea Hart hadn’t been so well adjusted in every other area of her life, and if she hadn’t beamed joyfully every time she saw photos of Hawke alongside his husband, I would have been concerned by my mother’s near-stalkerish fixation on the man.

“She would want you to do this, Charlie,” my friend says quietly. “And not just so you can meet Hawke. She’d want more thanthisfor you.” Ember waves her hand around the ice-cream store. “She’d want you to get out and see the world, to go on adventures, just like this one.”

At my incredulous look, Ember quickly amends, “Okay, maybe notjustlike this one. I doubt even your mother could have imagined you’d go camping with two of the most famous people in existence. But you get my point. She wouldn’t want you missing out on any amazing opportunities in life—and you can’t deny that this is one hell of an opportunity.”

That may be so, but I’m still about to tell her there’s zero chance of me ever agreeing to it. She, however, isn’t finished.

“Since you’re not eighteen until next month, I’ve already spoken with Jerry and he’s happy to sign the paperwork they need,” Ember shares cheerfully, as if she’s done me a favor. “He’s totally fine with you going.”

“Of course he is,” I mumble, unable to keep the hurt from my voice. “He’ll do anything to avoid being near me, even ship me off into a wilderness nightmare without caring who I’m going with.”

Compassion floods Ember’s face. “That’s not true. Your stepdad loves you.”

“I know he does.” Softly, I add, “But I also know the very sight of me brings him to tears, so he hasn’t looked at me properly in six months.”

My friend has no rebuttal since she’s witnessed his avoidance firsthand, and while she maintains I just need to give him time, I don’t know how much longer I can keep tiptoeing around my own house. Jerry is the only father I’ve ever known, with him having married my mother when I was five years old. He loves me beyond reason, and the feeling is mutual—which is why it hurts so much to have such distance between us now, even if I understand his struggles. I feel them myself every time I look in a mirror.

“Forget about Jerry,” Ember says, rallying. “Be thankful instead, because other people’s parents might have concerns about signing whatever liability forms Hawke’s legal team is sending through.”

“I can’t imagine why.” My tone is as dry as the desert Hawke likely intends to take his victims to. “Whowouldn’twant their underage daughter to head into a survival situation with two men she’s never met and the entire world watching?”

Ember grins widely. “See, you sound sarcastic, but I’m sensing there’s already a bit of excitement building in you.”

The look I send her speaks volumes. “You’re sensing wrong.”

She pouts. “Come on, Charlie Bear, the headline says it all.” She waves her phone at me again. “This is the trip of alifetime. Youhaveto do it.”

“I don’thaveto do anything.” I cross my arms. “And in this case, I’m definitelynotdoing it. I’d rather stick bamboo shoots down my fingernails. Hell, I’d even rather?—”

I cut myself off when tears fill her eyes. They’re not fake; Ember’s dream is to be an actress, but she’s incapable of crying on command.

“Sorry,” she mumbles, swiping at her cheeks and looking away in embarrassment. “I just—no, never mind. You’re right, it was a stupid idea. If you don’t want to do it, of course you shouldn’t. It’d probably be awful anyway, everything you said the other night—rain and bugs and drinking your own pee. Plus, even Zander Rune would reek after four days without a shower. That’s gross. There’s nothing attractive about BO.”

She’s on a roll, so I don’t tell her that there are other ways to bathe in nature, or that Zander likely owns a good deodorant. I also don’t mention that I doubt Hawke would make someone as famous as Zander drink his own urine, and therefore the winner wouldn’t have to, either.

“No one in their right mind would sign up for any of that,” Ember goes on, sniffing. “I don’t know what I was thinking, telling them you’d go in my place. I guess I hoped...” She looks up at me, her brown eyes full of remorse, but it’s the despair in them that feels like a punch to my gut, especially when she says, “I guess I just thought that ifIcouldn’t go, then at least I’d get to live vicariously through you. Plus, this way I’d still get to meet Zander, since the competition people said I could accompany you to the drop-off location. They even offered to put me up in a hotel for the four days you’d be out adventuring, so I’d be there to meet you when you were done.”

She turns away again, wiping her face once more. “But I get it. Even without your feelings toward Zander, I can see why you wouldn’t want to do this. I know you’re not allergic to camping like I am, and you actually enjoy being in nature like some kind of weirdo”—she wrinkles her nose at the thought—“not to mention, you were blessed by the fitness gods, so you’d have no trouble with the hiking and all the rest... But if you’re uncomfortable, then you’re uncomfortable, and that’s that. So I’ll—I’ll call them as soon as I get home and—and tell them to pick a new winner.”

If I didn’t love my best friend so much, I would loathe her for the emotional manipulation, because she knows—she knows—I can’t stand to disappoint her. It was one thing when I thought it was only me who would have to go on this ridiculous trip.ThatI could turn down, no problem. But if they truly have offered for Ember to meet Zander, how can I say no to that?

I groan and drop my arms onto a sticky, yet-to-be-cleaned table, lowering my head until it’s pillowed in the crook of my elbow. “I despise you,” I mutter into the blue sleeve of my Elsa dress. “Not a little. A lot.”

There’s a beat of silence as Ember processes what I said, but then a high-pitched squeal leaves her, and a moment later she’s hauling me up for a jumping hug.

“I love you, I love you, I looooove you!” she screams into my ear, before repeating my own words. “Not a little. A lot!”

“You’d better,” I say grouchily, unable to muster the same level of enthusiasm. Oranyenthusiasm. But then I exhale deeply and return her embrace, knowing how much this means to her. It’s four days of misery and discomfort for me, but I can suffer through that for my best friend.

Ember finally releases me, though she clasps both of my hands and says, “I know you’re not super excited about this, but just remember, I’ll be with you the whole time.” She pauses. “Except for when I’m not.”

I look at her flatly. “Real comforting. Thanks, Em.”

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