Page 86 of Wandering Wild

And I have to let him go.

Because he has dreams, too. And for the same reason that he won’t let me abandon mine, I won’t let him surrender his.

A shuddering breath leaves me and I do what I’ve wanted to do all night, throwing my arms around him. He draws me close, both of us knowing it’s the last time we’ll get to do this, and neither willing to let go.

But eventually, we have to.

I pull back first, ignoring every part of me that longs to stay wrapped in his embrace.

“I’ll never forget you, Zander Rune,” I whisper, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Thank you for helping me dream again.” A final tear falls down my cheek as I offer him a tremulous smile and say, “I’ll see you on the big screen.”

And then, without giving him a chance to respond, I turn on my heel and run back up the cobblestone path into the hotel, my heartbreak so strong that I have to flee in order to tear myself away from him.

Ember is waiting in my room when I stumble inside, and as soon as she sees me, her face crumples with realization, and she opens her arms.

I can’t hold in what I’m feeling anymore and I burst into loud, sobbing tears as she envelops me with her body. She tells me over and over that everything will be all right, but for once, I don’t believe her.

Because the moment I left Zander, I already knew:

I just made the biggest mistake of my life.

And even if it was the right thing to do, I’m still going to regret it.

Forever.

I used to love airports.

I loved wondering where people were going, and why. Whether it was a holiday or a business trip or to visit a loved one—the sense of anticipation emanating from travelers always made me feel electric. And the deeper metaphor always spoke to me on a philosophical level, the concept of transition, of departing one place and leaving something behind in order to go forth and step into something new.

I used to love that feeling, that wondrous expectation, that tangible exhilaration.

But today I don’t feel anything as I wait in the executive lounge at the Sydney International Terminal, just as I haven’t felt anything since Charlie tore out of my arms in the garden on Friday night and ran from me, not looking back.

I don’t know how long I stood out in the cold after she left, praying she would return, while also knowing that if she did, I would have to be the one to leave her. Because I meant what I said—I won’t keep her from her dreams. Part of me wishes I could be selfish enough to do that, or even selflessenough to turn down Titan and go with her on her adventures, but she’d never let me give up my role in a million years, and if I tried, I would lose her regardless.

Just as I’ve lost her now.

I have no memory of returning to my room that night, only that when I did, Summer and Maddox were waiting for me, and seeing my pale, tearstained face, they both ran to embrace me, looking almost as devastated as I felt. They haven’t left my side since then, not all through yesterday when we left Katoomba and headed back to Sydney, not when our plane was delayed and we had to spend another night in the city, and not when we rose at the ass crack of dawn today for our rescheduled Sunday morning flight straight through to LAX.

They haven’t said much, or if they have, I haven’t heard them. I feel like I’m walking through a cloud, part delayed exhaustion, but mostly I’m lost in my heartbreak over having to leave the girl I love behind.

Because I do love her.

I love Charlie Hart.

I don’t know when it happened—it might have been from the very first day we met when I asked if she was excited for our trip, and she replied with a sarcastic,Can’t wait. After years of people falling at my feet, it was refreshing to have someone do the opposite. Humbling, even. But more likely, it came on gradually during our time away together as I got to know her, inside and out. It terrifies me, how much I feel for her, just as it terrifies me thatbecauseof what I feel for her, I can’t be with her. If only our lives weren’t so different, if only we could?—

“Zander, are you listening?”

I blink out of my despondent thoughts to see Gabe standing in front of where I’m seated. Summer is curled up on my right, and Maddox on my left, all three of us having been staring out the large windows at the early-morning planes coming and going while we wait for our gate to open. I’m not sure how long we’ve been sitting here in silence. I’m not even sure when Summer took my hand in hers, or when Maddox replaced my cold cup of coffee. They’re worried about me, I can tell. And they’re heartbroken on my behalf, as only the best of friends are when sad things happen to those they care about.

“Zander?” Gabe calls my name again, and this time he waves his phone in my face. “Have you heard a word I’ve said?”

I shake my head, both in answer and to clear it. “Sorry, what?”

Gabe sighs, then repeats, “That was Val on the phone. Your shooting schedule has just been finalized, so she’s sent through your itinerary.”

As hard as I worked to get it, and as much as I’m sacrificing to keep it, Titan is the last thing I want to think about right now.

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