Page 21 of Room 1017

Thefollowingweekswereintense, to say the least.

It didn’t matter that we’d set a limit on our relationship—onlyfriends, no more kissing allowed—but our bodies certainly didn’t get the memo. Every time I was around Casey, I swore I felt a gravitational pull drawing me in, begging me to reach for him. To kiss, to hold, toclaim. I’d had to start wearing extra-tight briefs to keep my near-constant semi contained. And while we didn’t talk about it, I knew Casey was struggling too. I’d caught the way his eyes drifted down my body on more than one occasion.

And when Iwasn’taround Casey, it was somehow even worse! I dreamed of him nearly every night. In the morning, I swore I could still taste him on my lips. It was an obvious improvement to my usual nightmares. He hadn’t banished them entirely, but it was a step in the right direction. I would rather wake up with a weeping cock any day of the week, over sweating and shaking in terror.

Our sessions at the clinic had been decreased to a weekly basis, with my promise that I would continue to do my exercises from home. Homework had easily been my least favorite part of school, but so far, I’d managed to keep that promise. Those weekly sessions at the clinic, though… they were surprisingly hot, considering we kept things professional. Well, mostly professional, anyway.

Even if we’d reached first base of our relationship, it was strictly off limits at the clinic, for obvious reasons. Not only would they give me a new PT, but I especially didn’t want him to risk his job for me. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t tempted to push that boundary. He was always so close, his hands warm on my body, whether he was assisting me through exercises or just setting a comforting hand on my shoulder, praising me for a job well done. I lived for that praise, fuckingbloomedunder it. I’d been praised before, by my boss at the bureau or coworkers. I’d even received the FBI Medal of Valor for protecting Decker with my life, but none of it had ever felt like this.

Whenever Casey encouraged me, it sent goosebumps racing across my skin, heat blossoming in my chest. When Casey told me I was worth the effort, that he believed in me, it helped me believe in myself. After all this time of him taking care of me, I wanted so much to be the kind of man who could return the favor and take care of him for a change. And for that, I needed to get better.

I was certainly motivated. I’d gone to see my doctor and admitted I had a problem with the Percocet. That was harder than I’d thought it would be, but it helped that he’d held no judgment, only offered support. We’d set up a schedule for tapering off the meds and planned to have me switch over to something safer for those times when the pain was too much to manage. Though, honestly, the pain had been getting better for a long while now. Casey knew his stuff. With increased mobility and strength training, along with a healthier diet, I’d been feeling a lot better, even without the painkillers. I was still tender if I moved the wrong way, but I’d almost convinced myself that even if it never got better than this, it was something I could live with.

After a careful workout at the clinic, Casey had me doing a cooldown on the bike, pedaling slowly. He never left my side now, after what happened last time. He still felt like it was his fault I’d gotten hurt, as if I hadn’t willingly pushed myself further than I should’ve. I knew better. He was watching my face carefully for any signs of pain.

Finally, I laughed. “I’m fine,” I told him. “Seriously.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, as if he didn’t believe me. “Hmm, okay, if you say so. Come on, let’s do a bit of stretching before I let you go for the day.”

We weren’t alone in the gym today, sharing the space with Casey’s boss, Cliff, and an elderly woman with tight silver curls. There was enough space between us that I couldn’t hear what they were saying, so I felt pretty confident they couldn’t hear us either when I casually said, “Do you have any plans tonight?”

Casey’s eyes darted over to his boss, his expression guarded. “No, not really. Just a quiet night at home. Maybe I’ll watch a movie or grab some takeout.”

I hummed thoughtfully, letting the silence stretch between us as he waited to see what else I might say, might offer. It felt like a tease, this anticipation, the way he seemed to be holding his breath. When I couldn’t wait anymore, I burst out with, “Maybe we could—?”

“Yes,” he said before I’d even finished the suggestion, making me laugh. His eyes flicked once more to Cliff, before he said, “Let’s move on to some stretching, shall we?” The way his voice got all breathy, it sounded almost like he’d said something filthy.

I arched an eyebrow, cock twitching. “Sure, let’s do that.”

“Here, let me help you. Wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.” He brought a hand to my back, sliding it gently around my waist as I climbed off the bike. There was nothing wrong with my balance today, but I leaned into his caress all the same, close enough to breathe in his scent.

The stretches were familiar by now, but he kept finding reasons to correct my posture. “See if you can get a littledeeper… like this,” he purred against my ear, coasting his hand down my thigh, his body nestled in behind me as he urged me lower. Ohh, he was playing with fire today.

Having him like this, yet unable to touch him, was the most exquisite torture, and Casey knew exactly what he was doing to me. There was nothing professional about his touches, lingering a little too long, inching closer to where I wanted them, though never close enough.

No matter the temptation, we never gave in. Not only because his job depended on it, but also because we were taking things slow. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve been running forward with him, full steam ahead, but I was not the same man I used to be. I used to live and breathe my job, fully immersed in my cases. In fact, I likely never would’ve met Casey if I hadn’t been injured in the first place, because I never looked up long enough to see the potential in people around me. Now, I was learning to take the time to pause what I was doing and appreciate all that I had.

After our session was over, he walked me back to the changeroom. I paused at the door, checking over his shoulder that no one was around. Then I reached down and hooked my pinky through his, the barest contact, yet it seemed to carry the full weight of yearning I felt for him. “Come for dinner later,” I whispered.

Casey inched closer, blushing shyly as he leaned against the wall. “Okay. What time?”

“Hm, is seven too late? I have an appointment with Doctor Vesper first.”

His smile shifted into something proud and beautiful. He knew how hard it was for me to accept the bureau’s offer to see a psychiatrist, but once I got that first appointment out of the way, the hard part was over. It became easier with each appointment to keep going back. It was awful having to relive the traumatic event, but it was almost like talking about it had taken away the power it had over me. I could still remember the way dread and anticipation had made my adrenaline surge, could feel the knife going in. Mostly, though, I remembered the feeling of failure, thinking I hadn’t done enough.

That was a hell of a feeling to forgive myself for.

“Seven sounds great,” he said, trying—and failing—to contain his smile.

I heard approaching voices, and Casey pushed off the wall. “See you then,” he offered on the way by, discreetly letting his hand brush over my chest before he headed back to work.

I felt lighter than air. I let that feeling carry me through a shower then changed into clean clothes. My body ached after the workout, but for the first time in a long time, I cherished it for what it was—my body getting stronger. The optimistic hope I felt followed me all the way to my appointment with Dr. Vesper. I clung desperately to the way Casey made me feel, prepared for the soul-baring I was about to be put through.

“You seem awfully happy today,” Dr. Vesper remarked, smiling. It was impossible not to notice my improved mood. “Good day, I take it?”

“I met someone recently,” I admitted to him, allowing myself a smile that felt like a guilty pleasure in an office where I usually felt stripped raw.

“Do you want to tell me about him?” he asked, and I found that I really did. Dr. Vesper let me talk about him for the full hour. It wasn’t specifically Casey we talked about, though. It was hope for a second chance at a future I almost didn’t have.

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