Page 28 of Room 1017

“Breathe, baby. It’s me, Casey. You’re here with me. You’re okay.”

I blinked in the gray haze of pre-dawn light peeking around the edges of my bedroom curtain, trying to regain my bearings. I was in my bedroom, at home, not bleeding out on the floor. I shivered, the sheets tangled around me, damp with cold sweat. I stared up at the man hovering over me, not the assassin sent to kill Decker, but my angel. “C-Casey?” I stuttered out through chattering teeth.

“Yes, I’m here. I’ve got you.” Casey combed my sweaty hair back from my forehead. “It was just a dream.

My entire body was on fire, with both remembered pain and real, overlapping until I didn’t know what was dream and what was reality. “It felt so real,” I whispered, scared to blink in case it brought me right back there.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked carefully. He was propped on one elbow, gazing down at me, and while I knew he had to be at least a little curious, he wouldn’t push. And where I might’ve once reached for pills to help ease the fear, the regret, the constant dread that simmered within me… now I reached for my angel.

“He… he stabbed me.” But that wasn’t where the story began. It wasn’t even where it ended. And since there was no chance I was going to be able to get back to sleep now, I struggled to prop myself up with some pillows, willing my limbs to stop shaking.It’s not real, I told myself.It’s over.

Taking a steadying breath, I began again. “Amy and I were undercover in a safehouse, keeping a witness alive until he could testify against a mob boss. Decker had all kinds of evidence against this scumbag—murder, drugs, human trafficking—but witnesses had a way of disappearing.” I shook my head slowly, the memory replaying through the background of my mind.

“They found you?” Casey asked. He was hunched into me, clinging to my arm as if dreading the answer, even though the entire thing was already said and done.

“He did. We had a mole in the office, and one night, they came for him.” I fought the shudder that wanted to rattle me down to my bones. “I just… I heard a sound and assumed they were coming in the back, and I went to give Amy some backup, but I never should’ve left my post at the front.” I growled, teeth gritted, the frustration still as fresh as it’d been the first time I woke up in the hospital. “I should’ve realized there were two of them. It was a rookie mistake. I didn’t follow the plan, and I nearly got Decker killed.”

I felt Casey jolt in bed beside me, and he sat up, almost glaring down at me, eyes glassy. “Peter,younearly died too.”

“Yeah, but that’s the job,” I said bruskly. “I knew the risk, and if I had to do it all over again, I still wouldn’t hesitate to give my life for his. His testimony put Santana away, saved countless lives. His life mattered more than mine.”

Casey punched his pillow angrily. “But I don’t want you to die!” he shouted, tears spilling down his cheeks. “I love you, dammit!”

I gaped, stunned by his outburst. Now it was me comforting him. I grabbed his wrist and pulled him close, and he dropped his face into my bare chest, shoulders heaving. “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, I’m still here.” I kissed the top of his head over and over. He was nearly inconsolable, and I had no clue where this had come from. Had he had a nightmare too?

I rubbed a hand over his back and waited for him to start calming down before I said, “I love you too, you know.”

He lifted his tear-stained face off my chest, his eyes puffy. “You do? You’re not just saying that to make me feel better, right?”

“If anything, I’m saying it to makemefeel better. I’ve been wanting to say that for a while now, but I didn’t want to scare you off.”

“You won’t scare me off,” he said with a sniffle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to just blurt that out in the least romantic way possible. I just had this sudden realization that your job is dangerous, and it terrified me. I can’t handle losing you, not now when I just found you.”

That was one of the reasons I’d never gotten serious with someone before. It was a lot to ask of a partner, to go without contact while I was on an assignment, to worry about all the what-ifs day in and day out. And if I’d had kids? I would always have one eye on the job, the other on my family, scared that some criminal would go after them to get at me. Now that I was injured, though, things had changed.

For the first time since the incident, I saw a silver lining. A future I had never let myself hope for.

“Angel, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. I’m done as a field agent. Even after all my physical therapy, even if I could run, hop, and skip, I won’t ever put myself in that position again. I’m done, I promise.” Saying those words out loud for the first time seemed to lift a weight off my shoulders I hadn’t even realized was there. Was this why I’d been avoiding talking to my boss? Did I honestly think he was going to force me back into the field?

“Really?” he asked cautiously, as though afraid to hope.

“Really.” I tipped up enough to kiss him softly, even as my back gave a warning twinge.

When I dropped back on my pillow, Casey followed, deepening the kiss with a sweep of his tongue that made my heart race for a much better reason this time. “You’re a hero, you know that, right?”

I shook my head. “I was just doing my job, but I’ll be your hero if you let me.”

“I don’t need a hero,” he said, leaning in to nuzzle my neck. “I just need you.”

18

Peter

Icrankedontheshower and waited for the temperature to warm up before I eased in and lowered myself onto my plastic chair. While I was able to stand long enough for a shower, it was important to accept that sitting was safer. The last thing I needed right now was to slip in the shower. What I really needed was a grab bar on the wall, but I wasn’t up for home renovations just yet. Especially since I wasn’t so sure that this house would be good for the long term anymore. It simply wasn’t large enough.

Casey loved me. And while it seemed like such a tiny thing, just three words, it had changed everything. My head, my heart, my very soul felt lighter than it had days ago. Talking with Dr. Vesper was one thing, and yes, the psychiatrist had absolutely helped to bring me as far as I’d come, but telling Casey about what happened that night was… letting go of a burden I’d forgotten I was holding on to. While I wouldn’t change saving Decker’s life, I was finally admitting that my life held value too. It felt like a huge step to tell Casey that I was ready to let go of being a field agent, to voice the words out loud. To accept that more than anything, I wanted to live.

I was ready to move on with my life. And now, I couldn’t help but begin to paint a picture of what the future might look like. A bigger house that I could fill with love and laughter, maybe a family, if it was in the cards for us? It hadn’t been something I’d thought much about before, but suddenly, there was nothing I wanted more.

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