Page 51 of Don't Lie to Me

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

Marcus snapped at me. “You don’t have shit to be sorry for. I told you, I’m not mad at you. I’ve held on to so much anger for the last few years with my dad that I’m pissed I ever trusted him over the only woman I’ve ever loved…”

“Marcus,” I gasped, startled at his admission to me. Why was he even bringing all of this up now? I didn’t agree to meet him to discuss our relationship, I just wanted him to meet his son and suddenly I felt too overwhelmed by everything to say anything at all.

He raised a hand and cut me off. “Just let me say this, okay?” At my nod, he continued. “You have no idea how much it broke my heart when my dad came to me and told me you asked for money to get rid of our baby. I was too angry and too upset to think rationally. If I would have taken even a second, I would have known you’d never do that. I just….I never thought my dad would lie like that. When he admitted the truth, I wanted to find you, but then I was too scared and too ashamed to admit everything to you. I failed you when you needed me most, and for that – I will always be sorry.”

I wiped away the tears that I couldn’t fight down any longer. It was too much. Too overwhelming and in the open park, I felt walls crushing down on my chest. What would have happened had he come to me years ago?

“And now you’re with Jack,” he spit it out like he was pissed. Or maybe jealous, given his confession. Perhaps he was still disappointed in himself. I didn’t know, but I turned to face him and saw anger in his eyes.

“I am.”

“Do you love him?” Marcus’ voice sounded so pained, I couldn’t say anything at all. Why did I feel bad about this?

I let my silence speak for itself and turned to the playground. Logan stood on a walkway between two slides, his hands gripping the rails and his eyes wide, watching us. I waved to him in a gesture for him to come over and I saw the fear and nerves flash in his tiny little innocent face.

“He’s not good enough for you,” Marcus stated and my jaw tightened in annoyance.

“We didn’t come here to talk about Jack, and I won’t discuss my relationship with him, with you of all people.” I turned to see Logan slowly walking towards us. “Your son wants to meet you and he’s nervous as hell that you won’t like him. Don’t mess this up.”

“Sorry,” he whispered and then wipes his palms nervously on his thighs. “What do I say to him?”

I laughed softly. “Say hello, and then play with him. It’s all he wants, Marcus.”

Logan walked over to me and molded himself to the side of my body. He looked at Marcus with scared little eyes as he tried to hide himself from him. I pulled him onto my lap so he was cradled against my body and held his head against my chest, his face staring directly at his father.

“Logan…” I choked out, tears threatening to spill over again, but I swallowed them down. “This is your dad, Marcus.”

I felt Logan stiffen in my arms and looked to Marcus. With my eyes, I pleaded for him to show Logan some love. Slowly, Marcus reached out his right hand.

“It’s wonderful to finally meet you Logan,” he said softly but with tears spilling over his own eyes. I could see Marcus’ own fear in his eyes and I wondered if he was just as terrified as Logan.

Logan stared at the large hand offered to him and then slowly looked up at me. He pursed his lips and frowned when he saw my tears, but I nodded and with a smile, encouraged him to say hello.

His little hand disappeared into Marcus’s when he finally reached out to hold it. Marcus breathed out a loud exhale and with his free hand, he wiped away his own tears.

“Hi.” Logan’s soft and timid voice brought more tears to my eyes and Marcus’s. I shut my eyes tightly until I felt more in control. Silence surrounded the three of us. I knew kids were shouting and cars were driving by. I’m sure in the distance a car alarm was going off, and adults were chatting on cell phones, but in that moment, there was nothing else in the world besides the three of us.

Finally, Marcus smiled and covered Logan’s small hand with his other one, holding it softly between them. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here earlier for you.”

Logan smiled. “My mom said you were gone for work and just came back. She said you had to travel a lot but didn’t have to do it anymore.”

I wrinkled my nose at the little – okay, enormous – white lie I told Logan. I pleaded with Marcus silently for understanding and he sent me his silent thanks.

Marcus nodded. “I did.”

A tear fell down Logan’s own cheek and my own throat burned from the emotions splayed all over his pudgy little cheeks and innocent face. God I hated this.

“Are you going to travel anymore?” he asked so softly I was afraid Marcus didn’t hear him.

But he did, and he moved to wipe a tear off Logan’s cheek and then his own with the back of his hand.

“I will never leave you again,” he said seriously and then turned to me. “I promise.”

Logan took a deep breath and then smiled the largest smile I had ever seen on his little face. “I turn five in…..how many days, mommy?”

I chuckled through my tears. “Two weeks, baby.”

---