Page 109 of Before We Fell

“And let’s say Travis gets out. He’s walking free, Dad. And we’re living with his sister. I’m married to her. Have kids with her…and what in the hell do we do if that asshole ever steps anywhere near us again. You think this is so easy to let go? You think I haven’t spent the last week imagining every damn scenario? I’m telling you, it’s not as easy as the fact I love her. What about Riley? What about you and Mom? This isn’t the kind of shit that goes away because wewant it to.” But still, there was even more. “What happens if he gets clean in prison and reaches out to apologize? What if he wants to see Lauren? Then what the fuck do I do?”

Watch her get sucked into that mess?

It had the potential to never end. Ever. This would always be hanging over us. A niggling in the back of our minds. I knew it. My dad knew it, and I one hundred percent knew Lauren was thinking the same damn things.

I was the only person willing to admit it.

“Love can’t solve everything,” I stated. I’d made my point. I settled back into the couch, pissed off, jonesing for my scotch despite the fact my headache grew worse while I spoke.

On the television, Alabama scored a touchdown. I watched the flash of maroon-colored uniforms pile onto the wide receiver in the end zone. I already knew how this game ended.

I knew how it ended with Lauren, too.

It didn’t mean I had to like the result of either. But it was life. And you didn’t always get what you wanted, regardless of how much you wanted it.

“That may all be true,” my dad finally said. Defeat thickened his voice and he dropped his feet to the floor. He pushed to standing, looking down at me as he did. “That may be true. And that would suck. A lot. It’d be hard, no doubt. So I’ll go since you got it all figured out, son.”

He walked around the couch. My jaw had slackened. It wasn’t like him to give up so easily. He was the one who’d taught me the fine art of debate and getting my way in the first place.

“I’ll leave you with this thought, though.”

I turned my head in his direction and watched as he pulled on his coat, snapping it together and grabbing his thick leather work gloves. “What if you’re wrong? What if none of that happens? What if, you get smart and consider none of this is Lauren’s fault? What if you realize you have the love of a woman who would fight for you, for our family, for the safety of Riley and your potential future children and she never lets the memory or the risk of that reality darken our door, ever again. Think about that. Think about what you’re risking giving up, all because of the possibility of what could happen. Then think about what you’re giving up, at the possibility itdoesn’t.”

He left with that kill shot.

Damn wise man.

A foolish man, too.

Thirty-Four

Lauren

I debated.I really did. But two weeks went by and I hadn’t heard a word from Noah.

Did I assume our relationship was over before it truly had a chance to thrive? Of course I did.

Was I trying to move on?

No. It was near impossible. I thought about him constantly.

Last week, I’d picked up the phone, stared at my last text to him from two weeks ago, and hesitated, thumb over the keypad. Then I realized I had no idea what to say to him.

Kelly and Brooke had suggested I go talk to him. At least have it out face-to-face. But foolishly, I was waiting for him to come to me.

For him to show up at my door, hands shoved in his pockets, perhaps uncertain, maybe determined, to take the lead.

And how would that conversation go?

“I’m sorry my brother killed your sister and brother-in-law.”

“It’s okay. I love you.”

Life wasn’t a fairy tale and difficult scenarios had no easy answers or resolutions.

I was the only one foolish enough to think there was still a chance. And perhaps that’d always been my problem, I was foolish to think the best in people, perhaps to my demise.

But then I’d been cleaning my guest room. It wasn’t that I hadn’t cleaned it before, I had several times in the last few weeks. Apparently, I stress-cleaned even though my home was usually pretty spotless. I threw back the comforter, ripped off the fitted sheet and behind the bed, stuck between the mattress and the wall I’d found a stuffed animal.

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