Page 9 of Before We Fell

She sighed but stayed silent. It was the loudest sigh I’d heard all week, the whisper of disappointment that no matter how hard Itried, none of it was good enough.

“I know, I know.” I scrubbed a hand through my short hair and slammed my hands to my hips. “I’m doing the best I can.”

My mom nodded once and grinned. It was the sad, pitiful grin all of us gave these days. “We all are.”

Perhaps we wouldn’t be so damn sad if we had closure, or vengeance, or some damn justice, but the man who had shot down Amanda and Jake hadn’t been found and even though we all knew Riley saw everything, we’d questioned her very little. She gave us enough to know what happened but when it came to describing the man, her little mouth had clamped shut.

Then she slowly quit talking altogether.

And God, what I wouldn’t give to hear her burst with a laugh every once in a damn while. Something to smother the silence and weight permeating the damn house.

Mom turned to Riley and held out her hand. “Come on, pumpkin. Ready for the day?”

Riley looked at my mom’s hand, back to me, and turned, heading toward the front door.

“Anything today?” my mom asked.

“Not a word. And I tried getting her to open up about whatever happened yesterday and she said nothing.”

“Something happened?”

“That’s what her teacher said. I even tried taking her out for ice cream and still didn’t get a peep out of her.”

“Hmm.” My mom’s lips twisted. This was hard for everyone but had tokillmy mom.

We were both clueless and all the therapist’s advice I’d been following hadn’t helped much either.

“Just give it time.” Everyone kept saying it.

Too bad that patience wasn’t something I’d ever learned. Or practiced.

“All right,” she said, kissing my cheek. “Have a good day. Don’t work too hard.”

“I will.” I grinned as my mom laughed. She knew me too well. Heading around the corner, I went to where Riley stood by the front door, eyes on the blank wall across from her, shoulders hunched, hands curled around the straps of her backpack.

I leaned down and kissed the top of her head before she could dart away. Stealth affection. That’s how I had to get to her. “Have a good day, Squirt,” I teased her like I always did. “Be a good friend and no kissing boys, okay?”

I said it to her every day, and every day she turned to me, scrunched up her face in anewgesture.

The highlight of my day had become a face. I’d say it to her every day until she stopped showing a reaction.

“Love you, Squirt,” I said, this time quieter. “I’ll see you later.”

“K,” she said it and glanced away, like she hadn’t meant to speak at all and goddamn.

How in the hell was I going to fix this? Fixher?Or me for that matter?

Four

Lauren

My eyes wereon the clock as I stood by the door, watching all the kids get ready to head home. The day was winding down and my students were gathering their book bags along with their daily planners and assignments. It wasn’t much for third grade, some nightly reading sheets and addition problems. I didn’t enjoy giving a lot of homework, just enough to reinforce what we learned that day and the math sheets were two minutes of timed problems.

On my desk sat Riley’s drawing from yesterday, in a file folder so none of the other kids saw it and asked questions. I’d kept an eye on Riley all day, unable to help it. She already had her backpack ready to go but instead of lining up at the door with the other kids, she was sitting at her desk, arms folded over her backpack with her chin resting on top.

Apparently her uncle had told her he was coming today after school and she wasn’t in a hurry to leave.

At two minutes to go until the bell rang, I gathered the twenty-plus students into their correct lines. One for busses, one for parent pick-up and one for the walkers.

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