Page 41 of 28 Dates

Which means, I need to figure out if this guy and I have anything, or cut him loose.

Caitlin:Tell me something real about you.

It’s a demand, and I don’t apologize for it. This guy’s been messaging me for over two weeks, and it took until the other night for him to tell me he owns a bar, for crying out loud. I don’t know his name, his interests. And yet somehow he’s pulled tidbits of information about me with barely having to ask.

Surprisingly, a reply message from him comes almost immediately. Usually, this guy only texts me late at night, and I assume it’s when he’s at work, which is weird in itself.

Michael:What do you want to know?

Everything.The thought is so startling, I fumble my phone, grabbing it right before it falls to the floor.

Caitlin:Your name? Age? What do you do when you’re not running your bar?

Have I pushed too far? It shouldn’t matter. The whole reason to use this app is to meet someone, and why I’m suddenly taking it so seriously is beyond me. Regardless, my foot taps wildly against the couch cushion where I’m curled up, Netflix on and ignored, my phone clutched in my hand while I wait for his response.

If he doesn’t respond, I’m moving on.

There are other men out there. Why it’s so important for me to find someone, I don’t want to answer. I haven’t ever wanted a relationship before. This stupid process is changing me. Giving me hope I won’t always be alone, only to smack me back to reality.

Perhaps it was wanting something more than I felt with Logan. Perhaps it’s Jonas, with his angry eyes and protective stance and even his rudeness.

Or damn it. It’s most likely because I love how he knew I had a hard day and did something about it. I’ve thought about Jonas every night since he came over after he knew I had a bad day. How nice would it actually feel to have someone in my life like that all the time?

I’ve never in my life had a man at my back, protecting me with not only his strength but his love, encouraging me to spread my wings and fly. I have a father who disowned me after I was assaulted and a mother who has always acted like the only thing she needed in life to make her a mother was to push me out of her body and then brush me to the side in favor of nannies raising her daughter. All so she could live a life of luxury and excellence in her field.

And maybe this is why being around Corbin and Teagan makes me sick to my stomach.

It’s not a lack of desire to want to be loved in that way, it’s a sickening, curdling jealousy that I want it so badly, and yet for the first time, I realize why I’ve never sought it.

I’ve been unlovable and unprotectable since the day I was born.

Why, then, would any man want me now?

The revelation is so startling, a harsh pain slams into my gut and I cry out. I don’t realize tears are streaming down my cheeks until wet drops fall onto my hands and my phone screen.

“Damn it,” I cry, dropping my phone to the couch. I swipe my cheeks and yet I’m unable to calm the sobs rolling through me, unleashing fears and desires and everything I’ve desperately wanted since I was such a little girl and have never had flung my way other than my friendships.

But therehasto be more to life than this, right?

My phone chimes, startling me. I wipe the tears off my cheeks and use the hem of my sleep shirt to clear my screen. All this over a simple message? I must be losing my mind. Dating is making me crazy. And crazy has always been my middle name, according to Trey and Corbin.

Michael:Thirty. And I’d like to tell you the rest in person.

I send a text, with only one word.

Caitlin:When?

Michael:Sunday is my first night off. I wish it could’ve been sooner. Meet me somewhere?

My foot taps the couch again. Thursday night at Dirty Martini’s had bordered on disaster. But Jonas normally takes Sunday off, entrusting either Tucker or Lacy to handle everything.

Caitlin:Ever heard of Dirty Martini’s? Seven?

It’s early enough where a drink or two isn’t inappropriate for a Sunday, late enough that it shouldn’t be too busy from dinner. Not on a weekend anyway.

Michael:I’ll be there. Looking forward to seeing your beautiful smile in person.

His reply is prompt. So is my grin. And that strange tingling sensation in the tips of my fingers.

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