Page 24 of Cocky Player

I sipped my sake and tried to gather my composure.My best friend was wild and crazy, and I usually loved her crazy antics, able to whisk me out of my shell when I wanted to tuck tightly into it.Tonight, we should have stayed at home, where I could pace the apartment, maybe compose a pros and cons list to this insane agreement Connor and I put in place.

“I need your discretion,” I said.“Seriously, I don’t really know what’s going on or what will happen.”

“You’re right.You’re right.I mean, what will your father say if he finds out?”

He’d most likely try to force me to move back home, wrap me in bubble wrap, and lock me in my bedroom forever.It wasn’t a risk I could take.And stupidly, I’d been so consumed with how Connor made me feel, I’d taken little time to consider the consequences.

But this was huge.And he wanted to do dinner tomorrow?It wasn’t possible.There was no way.

“Have I made a huge mistake?”Oh God.I had.My fingertips burned with a sudden need to text Connor and call this whole thing off and that familiar flutter of panic edged into my senses.

“Hey, easy there.”Gina’s hand covered mine on my glass of sake.I hadn’t realized I was shaking until she stilled my hand.“Tell me what’s going on, and of course you know I’ll be discreet.You can trust me with anything.”

Of course I could.Gina might be the only woman I’d ever trusted with everything.She knew the horrific details of my life.I could only hide them for so long due to my occasional nightmares that would wake her because of my screams.The terror of being taken.Confined.Beaten but untouched sexually and scared for every moment of my life.The girls who didn’t make it.

The heated stench of the shipping unit where we’d been cuffed, all of us stolen and stripped, starved and dehydrated so badly our cries produced no tears.

She knew it all.The only one outside therapists and family.

“Connor Quinten,” I whispered his name, gaze darting to ensure no one was listening, but who would.We were two young cliché twenty-somethings, indulging on sushi.“And he’s amazing, Gina.He…when he touches me…it’s…”

I couldn’t finish.My pulse raced at the memories and my body hummed with the pleasure of them.The sake fueled the heat rushing through me as Gina, across from me, no stranger to hot sex and no prude to not give out all the details, chuckled while I struggled to get everything out.

“He, well, he found me the second time I went back to Glitz, took me home with him.Then he said he’d… well…”

“Spit it out, silly,” Gina teased.

I leaned across the table, took a roll from the sushi stack and quietly hissed, “He said he’dteachme everything.”

“Oh damn.”Her eyes popped, grin widened to her cheeks.“Good for you.So much better than the drunken fumbling and screwing around you anticipated.”

“It’s not good.It’s horrible.”

“Because his dick is small?”She propped her elbow on the table, dropped her chin into her hand and waggled her eyebrows.“Steroids, huh?It happens.”

No, because it was glorious.“I like him, or I’m starting to, and there’s nothing between us besides sex.And if my dad finds out.Gina…”

“Stop.”She held out her hands.If she could grab my shoulders and shake me while I tumbled down thewhat-ifrabbit hole, she would.She knew when to stop my rambling, my panic, my incessant need to have control while wanting to burn it to the ground.“It’s okay, honey.It really is.You’re twenty-three, you’ve already been through hell and back.You’reallowedto find a hot guy and do whatever you want with him.You’ll be careful because you’re smart.”

As she spoke, my anxiety flooded out of me with a heavy whoosh.

“And your dad loves you more than his own life,” she continued.“You know he only wants what’s best for you.He’s fair and he respects his players, but you’re an adult.You can’t make decisions for your family anymore.You have to make the decisions to live for yourself, do what you want even if it’s scary.”She reached across the table and took my hand, squeezing it.“But promise me one thing?”

“What?”

“Protect your heart.Learn what you want.Take what you want, but a man like Quinten might not stick around.I don’t want your first jump into self-discovery to end with you brokenhearted.”

Tears burned the backs of my eyes and I blinked them away.“Thank you.”

“And now honestly…tell me…how big is he?”

She was crazy, had me laughing despite my fear and nerves, but she’d done what she did best and the anxiety was a mere calm wrinkle beneath my skin.Barely physical.

I tossed back a swallow of sake and to Gina’s absolute pleasure told hereverything.

Gina was right.I could do this.

I just had to remember that the only thing I had to give and take from Connor was our bodies and orgasms.Our heart, especially mine, wasn’t for the taking.To give it to him would be disastrous.

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