Page 46 of All the Ugly Things

He absolutely did.

With those sad, sad eyes I liked so much.

Hudson had them too, sometimes, when he talked about his family.

“I’ll call,” I said, surprising myself. The decision came out of nowhere, or maybe it didn’t. Maybe I’d already decided I would but needed the go-ahead. Either way, my heart thumped a bit faster and my hands warmed.

“Now?” She tilted her head to the side and I caught her soft, encouraging smile. At least I thought that’s what it was. It was hard to tell with her sometimes.

“When we’re done.”

“I’m happy to step out while you do, give you privacy in case you want to talk after.”

“He’s probably busy.”

“You’ll never know until you call.”

She wanted this for me. She’d never offered specific help before, and I wasn’t exactly sure if it was professional. Between the Valentines’ offer to help, my therapist’s change in demeanor, and Ellen’s calls to take me to dinner when we didn’thaveto meet so frequently… it hit me like a surprise kidney shot thatallof these people were helping me, beyond what they were required to do.

Emotion rose and burned my throat, spilling out from me before I could stop it.

Was it actually possible they didn’t all look at me and see the wasted life of an ex-con, but someone who could do somethinggood? Turn all the ugly twisted things I’d done into something better?

* * *

“It doesn’t haveto be today,” I said quickly into the phone. The speed of my words matched the pacing of my feet. True to her word, Nancy stepped out while I agreed to call.

I didn’t expect to give my name to the operator and be immediately sent to David’s line. It was Thursday. He should have been working and yet he seemed to have all the time in the world for me once I introduced myself on the phone.

“No, no. Today is good. Great, actually. I can be free whenever you can get here.”

I glanced down at my worn clothes. For a moment, I’d considered dashing outside Nancy’s building, running to the bus stop and being there in thirty minutes.

That couldn’t happen.

No way could I walk into their office looking like this.

But if I waited too long, I could lose my nerve.

“Um. Monday might be better,” I mumbled, playing with my ponytail.

“Monday would work.”

He sounded disappointed and a sharp pinch ached in my chest.

“It’s just…” God. He already knew my history. Some of it anyway. “I’m not dressed right and that might take some time.”

“Come however you feel comfortable, Lilly. We have a relaxed dress code around here. My offer didn’t extend on a time limit either. All I want to do is talk. Figure out what you might be interested in or qualified for, that’s all.”

If I waited until Monday, I’d probably think of a thousand more excuses why this was a horrible idea and never show up.

Wasn’t this what I wanted? An opportunity? A chance to be someonemorethan who I’d been forced to become?

“Okay. Okay, today works then, but it’ll take me a few hours.”

“I’ll let the front desk know to send you up. No rush.”

“Okay. And thank you.”

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