Page 46 of Sneak Attack

“This is for you.” He set down my mug on the railing and stepped back, leaving twenty feet of space between us but it might as well have been the distance from there to Florida.

My feet hesitated but moved toward the mug and when I had it cupped in my hands, I rested my hip against the railing.

“I’m really sorry. About this. I didn’t come for a fight.”

He had his mug lifted, and as he blew on the steam billowing from the rim, his eyes barely lifted to meet mine. Dark pools ofnothinglooked back at me. No anger. No frustration and absolutely no life in his eyes before he closed them and took a sip.

“Jasper saved me. Truly.”

“I don’t need to know about you and Selma.”

“Thereisno me and Selma outside of us parenting the child we had. And you’re right, it isn’t any of your business, but maybe I want to tell you.”

I licked my lips and shrugged. He didn’t owe it to me, but at least some of my questions would be answered.

He sighed heavily, gestured for the chairs and I took a seat in the far one. This time, he didn’t sit next to me, but the one furthest. He turned it and the scrape of wood on wood echoed.

His features were so strong, so tense, but he was still the most beautiful man I’d ever seen in my life. Not what I should be thinking about, so I stared into my mug, pretending my coffee was fascinating.

“It was spring break my sophomore year, and I was a wreck. You think I moved on so easily, you don’t know anything. You didn’t see me, Eden, and I’m not gonna sit here and scream at you, but damn, that shit pisses me off. You know how much I cared about Hilary.”

At the mention of her name, everything in me tightened. My chest was in a vise, slowly squeezing the breath out of me. Hehadcared about her.

“God. That was all supposed to go so differently, you know?” He wasn’t looking at me, and I couldn’t nod my agreement. The times we’d spent together alone, neither of us wanting to hurt her, finding it harder to stay away. The countdown had been on, and we’d only had four more weeks to go before he left. Maybe it made us cruel to plan any of it.

At my silence, he made a sound that was neither amused nor sad and leaned forward. Forearms to his knees, he cupped his mug and stared at it as if he was reliving the memories in the reflection of the coffee.

“I had still planned on going to Tennessee. Had my bags packed, everything was ready. I’d assured the coach there I’d be good to go, and the night before I left, I couldn’t do it. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. I was pacing my room and it was the middle of the night when I stormed into my parents’ room and told them I wasn’t going. Hilary…God, she’d barely been buried. Her mom had come over so many times, asking what happened. Her brother—he’d kicked my ass.”

Nate was two years younger. Had always seemed so much younger and while he hadn’t been scrawny when I saw him at the brewery, he was back then, not yet grown into the width of his shoulders and hadn’t put weight on his long limbs. He was different now, but back then? I imagined his punches to Cole would have been harmless.

“He did?”

“Showed up one day, absolutely destroyed, screamed it was all my fault and before my parents could calm him down took a swing at me.” He huffed and pointed to the corner of his eye. “Got a scar from him. Small, but it’s a reminder and I stood there and let him. He didn’t do much damage so I guess I can’t say he kicked my ass, but he broke his knuckles on my face, split open my lip. Gave me a few bruises on my ribs. Trust me, I took that. Knew I deserved it, too.”

Apologies burned on my tongue and stayed there.

“Want to know why I took that from him?”

I didn’t. I absolutely did not want to know whatever he was going to say next, not with the way his head tilted in my direction. Sunlight hit him, making that tiny scar I couldn’t see before visible. Just a small, crescent moon that held my gaze captive while Cole said, “Because I deserved it, and it wasn’t even because of Hilary, it was because I stood there, him screaming at me, devastated at the loss of his sister at my hand and all I kept thinking about was that if you were here, it wouldn’t hurt so damn much.”

My eyes burned and tears fell before I could hide them, before I could seal up the cage my heart had been wrapped in.

“Trust me, I deserved that beating. So yeah, I didn’t go to Tennessee. Everyone thinks I got in at Vanderbilt because I was so fucking destroyed over Hilary, but the truth of it is, she and I were over. I already knew that. I loved her, you know that, too and yeah, I felt like an absolute dick for how that ended…but I was the only one who knew I’d already moved on. I saw my future with the girl I truly loved in Tennessee and you just…fucking disappeared. Bailed on me.”

I earned every lash of pain from what we did to Hilary. “I fucked up—”

“We did.”

That huff again. God, I wanted to know what that sound meant. He shook his head and pushed it against the back of his chair. Head against the back, eyes closed. Shaking his head, he frowned.

“That’s where you’re still wrong, Eden. You were the good one. The one who wanted to wait. The one who wanted to do right by her and not hurt your friend. I was the selfish asshole who took what wasn’t mine to have when it wasn’t mine to have it. I made that decision, that step. I talked you into it and trust me, I still remember that night so damn clearly. Wake up thinking about it, work out thinking about it. Everyone thinks I’m the fucking town hero, the guy with the tragic backstory, but I’m not the hero. Never was. I forced you into that kiss that night, selfish as fuck, taking whatever I wanted and not willing to listen to you. Trust me, if we’re comparing who’s to blame, Hilary’s death is at my hands. Not yours. Not when you tried to talk me out of it, and I was too fucking selfish to think any different.”

CHAPTER16

COLE

God,that killed to say. So many damn years I pushed that down, and sitting here, next to that girl I saw myself with all those years ago at Tennessee, waiting until we could be together, waiting until I had everything I wanted, and I’d just laid that truth in her lap, I couldn’t find any regret for spewing it all to her.

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