Page 47 of Sneak Attack

Shehadto know. Had to know that even if she didn’t believe it enough then, didn’t trust in it, that was exactly how I saw our future headed.Shewas why I couldn’t make myself go to Tennessee.

I hadn’t just taken a life, I’d losteverythingthat meant anything to me outside of football and there was no way I could step foot onto that campus, do my job as a player, and not spend every single second wishing I had Eden with me.

That wasn’t what happened though, and I’d had to come to terms with it. Those terms simply didn’t happen until Jasper.

Next to me, Eden was silent. She had no rebuttal, no argument as to why it was really her fault, why she was to blame, and I couldn’t see how she’d still think that after everything I said.

And my story wasn’t even done yet.

“I was a wreck those first couple of years, Eden. Barely passing classes, doing the bare minimum because all I had was football, and I’d finally started my sophomore year. Everyone looked at me and thought I had everything and kept talking about how strong I was after everything I went through. Trust me, every damn time that feel-good hometown boy hero bullshit comes on the air it makes me want to puke. I’m so…so fucking over that crap, but back then it was worse. I’d helped lead Vanderbilt to their first winning season in seven years. We had a bowl game. And I hadnothing. Nothing good anyway. Selma called one night, crying.”

At the mention of Selma, her breath hitched, and I couldn’t bring myself to open my eyes. That night had been a mistake from the beginning. One broken man, a crying, manipulative girl. I should have seen it all earlier but the drinks and the guilt and my own selfishness to want toforgetEden opened the door to me making decisions I normally wouldn’t have.

“She was upset. Said she was missing Hilary and wanted to talk to someone who knew her like she did. Said she felt like everyone was moving on and people were forgetting her, and I gotta tell ya, hearing that was like a kick to the balls because no one should ever forget Hilary, you know?”

I peered my eyes open and glanced at her. Eden shook her head and whispered a quiet, “No. She was too good for that.”

“Exactly. So, I met up with Selma at a bar near her nursing school. We drank. At first, we talked, shared all the stories about us growing up and it wasgood. It felt good to talk about her and laugh…I needed to remember some of those good times, too.”

Eden was silent but watching me closely. She flinched when I mentioned the good times and it made me want to ask why that hurt, but she’d only been here a year. Maybe she felt like all of her good memories with Hilary were tainted and I couldn’t blame her for that either.

“I-it was one night. And I’d regret it, one hundred and twenty percent if it didn’t give me Jasper. I was at school when she called me a month later and told me she was late. And that…I swear, Eden, the thought of her being pregnant, me becoming a dad, it was the switch I needed to pull my shit together.”

“That’s good,” she said quietly and turned back to the tree-filled front of my property. “It’s good you had that.”

She made it sound like she still didn’t have that, and what a waste.

“Did you ever think of making it work with Selma?”

There was no pain in her voice this time, no accusation. I couldn’t fault her for the question.

“No.” I shook my head. “That first week, maybe, but never after. To this day, I don’t know if she tried to trick me into getting her pregnant so she could have me, and that was why I never would have gone to her. I never would have known the truth or trusted her.”

Plus, there was the fact I’d always still loved the woman next to me, even if I couldn’t say that about her now—unequivocally—back then, I’d never wanted anyone else even when I couldn’t find her.

“Do you think she did? I mean…”

“It doesn’t matter. Jasper’s worth it, every second, every minute of the day. And for the most part, we co-parent well together.”

Outside of our latest argument, anyway.

“She makes it look like you’re together. On social media and stuff.”

She’d looked that far into me. She would have needed to go to Selma’s page to see all of that because I rarely let her tag me in photos she posted of the three of us.

“I let her. I don’t care what people think about us together, and it’s easier. Maybe it’s wrong, maybe it leads her on, I don’t know, but I’ve never been able to find it in me to care.”

I let that settle, let her work the truth out in her mind. However long she’d looked into me, however long she’d been so damn close and so far away at the same time, still ticked me off, but there was still more I wanted to know.

More I’dalwayswanted to know about Eden.

“What about you?”

“What about me?” That coffee mug that hadn’t been drunk through my story found its way to her mouth. Her grip on it tightened, like she needed the grounding.

I didn’t miss the way she cringed as she sipped it in her race to ignore me, that shit was probably cold by now, but no way was she running from this.

“Don’t bullshit me, Eden. You know what I’m asking. I don’t have the privilege of being able to stalk you online, remember?”

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