Page 31 of Love Me Gently

But then they’d ask how all of this happened, and there was no way I could look my father in the eye and confess to him I had to sell my soul to earn it.

“Not yet.” I frowned and glanced up, camera-ready side in place. “But I will. Soon.”

Stella pushed her lips to the side. Her parents weren’t great, and she’d been on her own since she was eighteen, too. My relationship with mine was vastly different. It was the one thing she could never quite understand. To her, I was turning my back on loving parents who were always there for me.

To me, I couldn’t shake the guilt and regret I constantly carried. One look at my mother and I’d crumple.

I couldn’t do that. I wasn’t ready.

I doubted I would ever be ready to risk it.

“Okay.” She shrugged and pulled her digital camera out of her oversized faux-mink bag. “Whatever, woman. Hold up the magazine and smile. Your first… and most definitely not the last billboard ad in the middle of Times-freaking-Square!” She bounced on her feet, and I couldn’t help but follow her enthusiasm.

“Who would have thought?” I grinned as I said it and held open the magazine to the correct page.

With the billboard behind me and Stella snapping shots in front of me, for a moment, I could believe that everything was perfect.

My hair was atrocious.My eye makeup smeared. I couldn’t bring myself to look at myself in the mirror as I scrubbed the taste of him out of my mouth. It lasted forever, and he’d been rougher than usual. It didn’t matter what I said or how I smiled, it seemed Steven always knew the days Ihatedhim.

And I did. Truly. I hated everything about the man, despite my success since July’s billboard ad and my first magazine spread. Jobs were coming faster, but it was my soul that was leaking like a sieve. It didn’t matter how often I tried to plug the holes to keep my sanity, to maintain some sense of myself, I was losing it.

I was losingme.

I spit one more time, gagged as I scrubbed my tongue and then shoved my mouth near the faucet so I could rinse and spit. The entire time, I tried to forget.

Forget the contract Steven had me sign that meant if I canceled it and found a new agent, he’d takeallthe royalties I’d made. I’d owe him back pay. I’d lose my current deals, including theMynxskincare that was getting me more attention.

I wasn’t even sure it was attention I wanted anymore. Every time a set of eyes landed on me these days, I wanted to hide. Thankfully it was December and I could walk the streets of New York huddled in an oversized, puffy coat with a thick scarf wrapped around my throat, hiding the lower half of my face, the rest covered by a thick beanie with a popcorn ball on top.

I could hide in plain sight and I was only starting to regret the return of spring when I’d have to shed it all.

Not like I didn’tshedeverything every time I stepped foot into Steven’s office, anyway.

Glancing in the mirror only long enough to see the devastation smeared all over me, I grabbed a paper towel and ran it under water. By the time I was done cleaning my face, my cheeks were red, my eyes were swollen, and I looked like death.

Which wasn’t all that far off from how I was feeling these days.

I opened the bathroom and stepped foot into Steven’s office.

He was resting his backside against the edge of his desk, arms crossed over his chest. The fact he’d only gotten redressed and resumed the place where he was standing when I entered wasn’t lost on me. He intimidated me on purpose, and I fought against cowering in front of him as I retook my seat in the chair. It was a replay of how our appointment started. Fortunately for me, he’d never once demanded a second round.

“Are you over your snit?” As he asked, he adjusted his shirt sleeves. The cufflinks rattled, taking me back to earlier, when his hand had pulled my hair until I cried out.

I pushed down my skirt and kept my eyes on his face. Who knew what he’d do if I showed any emotion or balled my hands into fists like I wanted to. “I’m feeling better.”

“You don’t appear to be nearly as thankful anymore as you once were, you know? It’s disappointing.” He reached for paper on his desk. Not paper. A gold envelope with a shiny black embossment on one corner.

Considering I most definitely was not thankful anymore but trapped in a hell of my own making, I stayed silent.

“Nevertheless, you are still becoming one of my agency’s most talented models.”

I perked up at that, pulse increasing. Someday, I’d be able to call my own shots. Make my own rules. Forge my own way. Only two more years with Steven, and then I’d be free. “Thank you.”

“No thanks required. You’ve been invited…” He held out the envelope in my direction. “To?”

He shook the envelope until I reached for it. I tugged. He held on tighter until I glanced up at him and met his gaze. “I would hope, with this, that you’ll show more excitement for our meetings in the future.”

My stomach rolled, and I swallowed the disgusting, still lingering taste of him, even as I fought a cringe. This could beanything, but I knew exactly what he wasn’t saying.

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