Page 74 of Love Me Boldly

Holly might not want much to do with me, but she wanted the best life for her son.

And he needed new skates.

TWENTY-THREE

HOLLY

“What am I supposed to do?!” I cried into the phone and imagined Tracey flinching from my shrill voice in her AirPods.

After Graham dropped that bomb in my lap, he went back to eating his lunch like he hadn’t rocked my world, stolen my breath, and given me a knockout punch all at the same time.

It shouldn’t have come as such a shock, not with how we left things the day before, not with the things he’d said to me—I’m finding it hard to think about leaving—I’d thought of those words on a near constant loop since I put Jonah to bed last night.

I should have known then that he’d stay. It was naive of me to assume that goodbye would be our last. Graham enjoyed the chase, he always had. Now that he was in my town, I had nowhere to run.

“I can come up there and play defense,” Tracey said. She meant it. She’d do it, too. She’d dropped everything and driven overnight to get to me before, once when Jonah and I had the flu so bad I was certain we would both die.

“I can’t believe this.” I was pacing outside at the back of the restaurant. I’d waited until I knew Graham left, had watched him get into a gray Toyota Tundra, and then I waited another half an hour, busying myself by pretending to prepare the payroll until I gave up and called Tracey. “I can’t believe I saw him yesterday. I can’t believe he knows about Jonah. And now he’s here. He said he’s staying for six weeks, Tracey. I can’tavoidhim.”

There was a thick silence as I stared up at the blue sky. It was gorgeous, and I was starting to roast in my black pants and white short-sleeve shirt I always wore to work.

“I don’t think you should avoid him,” she finally said, and it was done so hesitantly, with such worry in her tone, I flinched.

“You can’t be serious.”

“He’s the only guy I’ve ever seen you attracted to, Holly. He’s the only guy you’ve cared about, and you haven’t eventriedto date since Jonah.”

“Not true,” I muttered and kicked at loose mulch that had escaped our landscaping on the sidewalk. “I tried.”

“You’ve had two dates.”

“So.” If I’d had any doubts before, I now knew where Jonah got his pouty voice from.

“Listen, I’ll come there. I’ll kick his butt back to Charlotte or wherever he is. Heck, if you need me to, I’ll shoot him and bury the body. I’ll do anything you need, but right now, I think you have to consider this. He’sback, and you’ve always missed him. It wouldn’t hurt you to give this a shot. Maybe it’ll go nowhere.”

“Yeah, and then Jonah will be devastated.”

“And maybe it’ll end up being everything, and Jonah will have the father you’ve always wished he had.”

“If my test results come back…”

“If they come and we can celebrate, then you don’t have to mention it. If they come back poorly, you’ll have help. And more, Holly…Jonah would have someone if…”

“That’s enough,” I whispered, but it was harsh enough to stop Tracey in her tracks.

I knew the chances. Words like survival rate, terminal, and reoccurrence had lived rent-free in my mind for the last two weeks ever since my annual exam came back with inconclusive results. Now I was spending my free time researching oncologists and treatments.

As much as I wanted to hope for the best and keep a positive spirit like Caroline, Tracey, and my doctors have said, I’d never had a run of good luck in my life.

“I know, and I’m sorry. Of course you don’t bring Graham into this because of that.”

“That’s why I want him to stay far away.” I laughed coldly.

“He’s a big boy, Holly. He’s going to do what he wants. Take the time to figure out what it is you want.”

I wanted my health. My happiness. I wanted freedom, and most of all, I wanted to give Jonah a life better than I ever bothered possibly imagining.

I’d tried dreaming before, and the shattered glass shards of them being broken still scarred my heart. I wasn’t all that revved up to give it another shot.

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