Page 93 of Love Me Boldly

A tear slipped down her cheek. It took everything in me to stay in my spot, to not lunge to hold her.

She sniffed and wiped at her cheeks with her napkin. “I talked to him once after Mom dropped off Jonah. I mentioned Mom coming, and he got so excited thinking she was back. That she’d take care of him or something, which was stupid. I told him what she did, and he blamed me for it. Said if I’d been better, she never would have left. Told me it was all my fault because I made her get hurt.”

Screw staying in my seat. I moved as close as I could since she was in the chair and set my hand on her arm. “It wasn’t. You know that.”

She shrugged, barely listening to me, so lost in the guilt that wasn’t hers to bear.

“Anyway, he got pissed she’d already left, and then when I told her about Jonah, he lost his mind. He told me he wanted nothing to do with him, but that I still owed him for being in prison in the first place. Caroline finally convinced me I didn’t need him, but it didn’t take much. I looked at Jonah, and even though he wasn’t mine, hewasmine, you know?”

She glanced at me, and I nodded. Of course I understood that.

“He was five months old when that happened. I stared at Jonah, his tiny little face, his pudgy little body, and knew without a doubt I wouldnevertreat him like that, regardless of what happened. That made me realize how bad my dad was for me. I called the prison and was able to get myself removed as an approved visitor or someone he could speak to.”

“I’m really proud of you.” I squeezed her arm until she looked at me. “That took a lot of courage. You should be proud of yourself for that.”

“I didn’t want Jonah to grow up seeing it.” She cried as she said it. “And then I thought, why did I have to grow up like that? Ugh.” She swiped at her cheeks and smiled through her tears. “It was years ago, and it’s stupid for it to still make me cry.”

It wasn’t at all. Hell, I had a ball of emotion clogging my own throat.

It was time to rip the rest of the past away, and so squeezing her arm, I said, “I told my dad about you. All those years ago. I told him everything.”

She whipped her head so quickly toward me I was surprised she didn’t snap her neck.

“What? Why!?”

* * *

The condo was silent.Holly had jumped from the chair, stared at me like I’d personally slapped her, and then ran off to the bathroom. The door slammed. The lock clicked.

I’d gaped at her reaction and then resettled myself on the couch.

I figured it would take her a minute to gather herself, but ten minutes later, she was still in there. I was just about to get up and check on her when the lock clicked again and the door squeaked as it opened.

“I’m sorry,” she said, and it was clear she’d been washing and drying her face. “I think about that night and how I handled it, and I think about everything your family had gone through because of mine. And I just…”

She came back, and shocking me, she didn’t take a seat on the chair. She sat at the other end of the couch opposite me, curling her legs beneath her so she was sitting criss-cross and put her hands in her lap. “I just…your dad. Sophie’s dad was a friend of his, right?”

“Yeah, we were really close with the governor.”

The November before Sophie’s death, he’d been re-elected governor for a second term. He immediately stepped down to take the time to be with his family and his two other daughters. They moved away from North Carolina shortly after and now lived in Connecticut, where his wife had grown up. My dad and he still kept in touch, and Dad made annual trips up north to see him. Whether Dad ever told him or not about my connection to the man who killed his daughter, I didn’t actually know. But I think the fact that they didn’t still live in our neighborhood was a part of why it was easier for my dad to accept Holly and me meeting.

I gave her that quick rundown, leaving out the end. “You know, he doesn’t blame you, Holly. He never did. He was shocked for sure, but he saw how worked up about it I was, and he listened. He’s a fair man. Your dad was at fault, and that means your dad’s actions left you alone. The only one to blame in any of this is him. People in Deer Creek might have warped your view of that, but it doesn’t change my dad’s opinion.”

She scoffed, like she couldn’t believe it. I was learning that Holly simply had a hard time believing there were purely good people in the world. I couldn’t fault her for it, fully. I hoped that the time would come, though, where she wouldn’t view everyone who came into her life as if preparing to hurt her.

“So if I showed up at dinner with your dad, he’d welcome me with open arms?”

“He’s not much of a hugger, so the arms wouldn’t be open.”

“Shut up.” She chuckled. “How do you do this?”

“Do what?”

“Make everything a joke. You make life sound so easy, and it’s just…that’s not my experience.”

“Maybe because you’re always waiting for the shoe to drop, and I’m looking to see the good.”

Her face scrunched in displeasure, but before she could argue, I leaned toward her.

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