Page 94 of Love Me Boldly

“You have to realize thateveryonehas something bad happen to them. Piper had crappy parents. I lost my mom. You lost yours in a different way. There are few people who escape their life unscathed from trauma, Holly. My dad’s a good man. Was he shocked? Yes. Was he upset? Yeah, because it brought up his memories of Sophie, and it’s absolutely shitty she was taken away from all of us so soon. Is he still pissed at your dad? Probably. Does he forgive him? I have no clue. I didn’t ask my dad where he stands on that. But what my dad does understand is thatyouare not your dad. You didn’t give him alcohol. You didn’t tell him to drive away. You didn’t even stand there and support him, and I know that because while I wasn’t at the trial, my dad was. He would have known if you would have been sitting there. As far as he’s concerned, you were dealt a shitty hand, and you kept working to create a better one for yourself. That doesn’t make you weak or not worthy of knowing, it makes you honorable and strong.”

If I had to keep hitting her over the head with truth, I would. Some day she’d look at herself in the mirror and believe it all.

She rubbed her hands down her thighs and shook her head. “Are you suggesting that if I would have stayed that night, everything would have been fine? It would have been a little blip, and then life would have moved on?”

Since she sounded like she honestly wanted to know, like maybe she’d thought of that question a dozen times over the years, I gave her an honest answer.

“I have no idea. I don’t care about whatcouldhave happened six years ago. I care about what’s happening now.”

Her lips parted, and she stared at me. Her hands balled into a fist, and she licked her lips.

“Six years ago, you didn’t give me the chance to help you or to be there for you and Jonah. I want that chance now.”

She blinked rapidly several times, and the color drained from her face. “What do you?—?”

“I talked to Eli.”

THIRTY

HOLLY

He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew.

My knowledge of the English language was quickly reduced to those two words, and I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

“I…uh…you…”

There was pain in his eyes, and his chest rose and fell rapidly. His heart had to match my racing one. “You talked to Eli.” I finally managed to be able to repeat it.

“He didn’t tell me anything but what he heard.” Graham scooted closer to me on the couch. Not quite to the center, but closer. A brief hint of his cologne hit my nose, and I squeezed my eyes close to fight back my fears.

“Give me that chance to be there for you now,” he said. “If it’s…” He paused and cleared his throat. “If it’s not good news, you’ll need help.”

“I have help,” I muttered. I hadn’t expected him to know. I’d debated all day and last night how honest I was going to be with him, what I was going to tell him,ifthere was any point in telling him.

“Everyone can always use more help.”

“You’re…stop this.”

“I’m what?” he asked, and his hand reached out and tugged at the ends of my hair. “What am I, Holly?”

“You’re scaring me.” The admission was out before I gave thought to it. But now that it was there, a living, breathing truth between us, I couldn’t stop. “You’ve always scared me.”

“Don’t you think I didn’t know that?”

He huffed a laugh, and that laugh cracked through the tension and my fears like it always did.

One laugh or joke from Graham, and things never seemed as scary as I built them up to be.

He was a magician in that sense. He spoke, and my worries vanished, but only for as long as he was close to me.

“I’m scared,” I admitted. “And I’m worried about Jonah, what will happen if…”

“Don’t,” Graham whispered, his voice thick and scratchy. “Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

I shook my head and pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth. I couldn’t tell him. Tracey and Caroline were the only ones who knew, and I’d barely been able to tell them. Still, it was Graham, and he hadn’t just slithered through the cracks in my walls—he was sitting in front of me, blowing them all to dust and crumbling the rest.

So I opened my mouth, and it all spilled out. I gave him every gory detail and symptom, not bothering to think he might be grossed out about hearing how my stomach swelled up or the heaviness of my periods.

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