Page 102 of Things You Save in a Fire

The accusation offended them.

I let them be offended for a second, and then I said, “I wasn’t going to say anything. I was going to let it blow over. I’m not a complainer. I can take it, of course. I’m not here for myself. But I draw the line at throwing a brick through an old lady’s window. Mess with me all you want—but do not fuck with my mother.”

The guys blinked at me.Language!

“No one was hurt, if you’re wondering,” I said. “But glass went everywhere—and not safety glass, either. And a lovely historic window is destroyed.”

I checked all their faces, one by one. Sympathetic. Concerned. Shocked.

But somebody here was responsible.

“So who was it?” I demanded. “Who the hell thought terrorizing a sweet old lady was a good idea? Who in this crew wants to get rid of me so badly that they’re willing to do that?”

“It’s terrible,” the captain said. “But it wasn’t us.”

“I think it was.”

“Why would you think that?” Case said, sounding hurt.

I was pacing around now. “A few weeks ago, somebody broke into my locker here at the station, and scrawled the word ‘slut’ in Sharpie across the back wall.”

That got their attention.

“I ignored it. I tried to clean it off. I hung an old calendar from my station in Austin over the spot. I didn’t complain. But then, this week, somebody slashed all my tires—four hundred bucks’ worth of tires!—and left a note on my windshield that said, ‘Just quit you bitch.’”

The guys looked around at each other, like,What the hell?

“Fine,” I said. “I ignored it. It’s not the first time I’ve been called a bitch. Whatever.”

I looked around.

“But then, this morning—my mother.My mother,you guys.” I looked around. “This one had a note, too.”

“What did it say?” the captain asked.

I held up the note.

The captain leaned closer and peered at it, reading and frowning. “‘Just quit you wore’? What does that mean? What did you wear?”

“I think he means ‘whore,’ Captain,” Tiny said.

“Can’t spell for shit,” the captain said.

For a second, my throat felt like it was closing up. I held very still to let it pass. I would not cry, or let my voice break or even tremble. All emotions but anger right now were unacceptable. This moment had to be a show of strength and defiance and absolutely nothing else. But I would tell them about my mom. Maybe it would shame them into behaving better, or maybe it wouldn’t—but by the time I finished talking, they would know the truth.

“She’s sick,” I said, surprising even myself with the crackle of emotion in my voice. “That’s why I came here. She lost the sight in one eye after an operation, and her sight’s not great in the other one. She getsheadaches. She wears an eye patch. Her depth perception’s all messed up, and she has trouble with the stairs, and she can’t drive at all. That’s why I’m here.”

The guys were dead silent.

I was not going to cry.

I went on. “And somebody threw a brick through her window. Somebody here. Somebody who has dedicated his life to helping others. Somebody who’s supposed to be a hero.”

I started pacing.

“It doesn’t matter that I’m not actually a whore—whatever that even means. It doesn’t matter that I’m not even remotely intimidated by this bozo. It doesn’t even matter that there’s no point in going after me like this. It’s—what?—weeks before the captain makes his decision between me and the rookie. We all know what he thinks about women. We all know what weallthink about women. I’m out. I’ll be gone before you know it anyway. So whoever this asshole is, he’s going to a lot of trouble to accomplish something that’s already pretty much a done deal.

“Here’s what does matter: What this guy is doing iswrong.You can’t do what we do and see the kind of suffering we see every damn day and still want to create more of it in the world, can you? You can’t do what we do for a living and not know the simple difference between right and wrong. That’s what has me so, so pissed. We’re supposed to be the heroes. We’re supposed to be the helpers. The caretakers. The good in the world. What the hell can I believe in, if I can’t believe in you?”

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