Page 77 of On Fire Island

Tutti Fruity

Within minutes of Dylan and Matty’s departure—not enough minutes, I should say—Jake arrived to catch the end of the game. He was carrying a big box from the freight boat. He looked to the stands for his daughter and in the field for Matty. I witnessed their absence calibrate on his face and told Nana Hannah, “I’ll be right back.”

I raced ahead of him to warn them, praying I’d have more success than I did on that now infamous night on the dunes. I rushed in to find them making out right on the living room couch. Matty broke away and looked into Dylan’s eyes. He had an urgent look on his face. The sounds and cheers of another home run grabbed his attention, and the look faded as he shifted his focus to the noise of the game, suddenly appreciating Ben’s instruction to think of baseball.

He asked, “You ready, Dyl?”

She nodded.

“You sure?”

She nodded again. More cheers erupted in the background, and they laughed at the timing, while I did my best to knockdown Jake’s vast collection of vintage glass bottles to disrupt them, with zero luck.

Dylan grabbed the condom from the table. A hand-painted clamshell with the wordsHappy as a Clamcaught her eye. She stared at it reflectively before handing Matty the condom.

Matty smiled at her; she smiled at him, but, just as he ripped open the flamboyant packaging, she uttered meekly, “Wait.”

He froze. “Wait?”

She breathed in and out and in and out trying to wrangle her feelings into words when the telltale sound of cowbells ringing on the front gate sent them flying to opposite ends of the couch.

Jake appeared in the doorway carrying the large box. He placed it down on the floor.

“What are you two up to? I heard Matty got tossed from the game.”

Dylan was cool, Matty not at all.

“Yeah, he was upset about it, so we were gonna watch a movie.”

She reached over to the side table and grabbed the remote.

Matty suddenly realized he was holding a condom in his hand and quite obviously shoved the contraband behind his back. Jake noticed that he was hiding something. It was hard not to.

“What’s in your hand?” he asked suspiciously.

Matty was speechless. I’m sure he wished it was a joint. Hell, even an ounce of crack cocaine would be better than a condom. He looked like he was going to cry.

Dylan, always the one to save the day, remembered the packaging,tutti fruity.

“Bubble gum, Daddy, tutti fruity.”

Matty took her cue and popped the hot pink condom in his mouth as Dyl inquired, in all of her innocence, “You want a piece?”

And with that Matty somehow stretched the pink latex over his tongue and blew a bubble. An actual bubble. It was cinematic.

“No, I don’t want a piece.” Jake laughed, pushing the carton out of the way with his foot.

“What’s in the box?” Dylan asked.

“Stuff for you—I searched on Pinterest under ‘Things I Wished I Brought to College.’ ”

Their mouths dropped open. The wordsPinterestandJakedidn’t really fly.

“It’s a case of fairy lights, one of those mattress toppers, and a box of condoms.”

They both nearly fainted, and I laughed so hard I could swear they heard me.

Jake realized the reason for their expressions. I doubted he had even said the wordsexto Dylan let alone discussed protection.

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