Page 101 of Theoretically Straight

Lola pulls me in again, wrapping her arms around me. “Oh honey, no. Of course not. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with people’s ass-backward way of thinking. You did nothing wrong.”

I exhale a shuddered breath as the tears spill over onto Lola’s shoulder. “Then why do I feel so shitty? Why can’t I get that look of panic on Theo’s face out of my mind? Why does this hurt so much, Lola?”

She pulls back, taking a second to wipe the streaks of tears from my face. “Do you love him?”

“What?”

“Do you love Theo?”

My teeth sink into my lower lip. Sure, I’ve thought about it, but I can’t say whether or not it’s true. I’ve never been in love before, so it’s new territory for me.

“How would I know?”

Lola chuckles, brushing the hair off my forehead. “I think you’ve got your answer. It hurts because you love him. It hurts because you’re seeing him confused and in pain, and you don’t know how to fix it. Love is that connection that lets you feel what Theo feels, both the good and the bad, and share those experiences with him.”

“Well, right now, it kind of sucks.”

Lola laughs again. “I know, Cal. But at the end of the day, you’ve got to ask and be honest with yourself. Is this something you want? No relationship is perfect, but is this one worth going through what you’re feeling right now?”

Is she saying what I think she’s saying? How can she suggest I break things off with Theo? Just thinking about it makes the knot in my stomach clench so tight I can’t breathe. Of course he’s worth it. I would do almost anything to see him smile again, to erase this image of him in my head, terrified and in pain.

I love him. Every confused, funny, frustrating, tender-hearted piece of him.

“It is,” I say with confidence.

Lola grins. “I was hoping you’d say that. You two are just too cute together.”

I give her a shove, laughing. “Gross.”

“Little Caleb is in love,” Lola sings at me, poking at my ribs till I’m crying from laughter instead of heartache. “Welcome to the club, little brother. I hope you find less heartbreak than the rest of us.”

I lean into her, resting my head against her shoulder.

“Thanks, me too.”

* * *

Sunday, October 22

Theo

sorry, I meant to text you earlier, but it was a rough night.

Caleb

:( i’m so sorry, Theo. can I do anything for you? Are you at church right now?

Theo

no, i told my parents I still don’t feel good from the panic attack. I must look pretty rough because they didn’t even try to argue. So Grace is hanging out with me this morning.

but i’d much rather be snuggled up on the couch with you. <3

Caleb

smooth. ;)

Theo

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