Page 104 of Theoretically Straight

I really don’t deserve him.

When I finally catch my breath, I lean back against the headboard again. “I’m a mess,” I mutter. “You must really like me to stick around.”

Caleb smiles and leans back with me. “You’re worth it.”

I lean my head on his shoulder for a few minutes, letting myself just be in this moment.

I almost tell him I love him three times before Caleb speaks up. “You also have some really great friends, Theo. Like, they were there so fast, mobilizing and moving as if it was something they’d rehearsed. Like, I knew Harrison was a ride-or-die kind of friend, but damn.”

I chuckle. “Yeah. They’ve had practice.” Caleb starts to look upset, but I shake my head. “I mean, we’re all a little messed up. I think that’s why we’re good for each other. Oliver has had a couple of panic attacks in the last year, and Elise had one a few months ago. This is probably my third in like…two years? I don’t know. We all just kind of know what to look for, and we’ve learned how to respond.”

Caleb looks relieved. “That’s good. It’s good to know that even if we don’t end up—or we can’t—be together, you still have them.”

My chest tightens, and I find myself scooting impossibly closer to Caleb, clinging to him. “Don’t say that. We’re going to be okay. We–we have to be.” I should be embarrassed by my sudden neediness, but I don’t care.

Caleb nods, strokes my hair again, and kisses my temple. He doesn’t say anything, which causes the anxiety in my stomach to swell, but I try to ignore it. I can’t think about the fact that Caleb knows just as well as I do that everything is about to come crashing down around us, and there’s nothing either of us can do about it.

Fuck it. If this is the last time I can spend time in Caleb’s arms, we might as well enjoy it the best we can.

“Hey,” I say with a smirk, waiting for him to look at me before continuing. “Wanna smash?”

Caleb’s body stills beneath me for just a second before he remembers, then he laughs and gives me a small shove. “Always.”

* * *

Lola comes to pick Caleb up at noon, just in case my parents decide to come home right away to check on me. It’s a smart move because I hear the garage door open and my parents’ car pull in at 12:17 p.m.

As I head downstairs to eat lunch with my family, my phone buzzes. Expecting a text from Caleb or someone from the crew, I casually pull out my phone from my pocket but then freeze halfway down the stairs. I have to grip the handrail and ease myself down to sit on the middle stair to make sure I don’t fall.

Theo [7:18 PM]

hey Sienna, we need to talk about tonight, but you just disappeared and I couldn’t find you. can we talk?

Theo [9:02 PM]

Sienna seriously we need to talk. please call me or text me?

Theo [8:42 AM]

I’m not gonna be at church this morning - had another panic attack yesterday so I’m not feeling good so when you get a minute, I really want to talk to you.

Theo [9:06 AM]

please don’t talk to anyone about what you saw on the ferris wheel until we talk first.

Sienna [12:29 PM]

I’m sorry for the delayed response, Theo - I needed to pray on it. I love you so much, and I’m worried about you. Please don’t hate me.

“Please don’t hate me.”

Oh my God.

She told them.

“What are you doing?” Nathaniel asks from behind me.

I look up to see that he’s trying to get down the stairs, looking completely like his normal self, only frustrated that I’m in the way. If Nathaniel knew something, I would be able to see it on his face. He’d warn me of what was coming. It’s an unspoken Briggs sibling agreement: We look out for each other.

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