Page 109 of Theoretically Straight

“Mom,we’re not having–”

“Even if you’re not now, you’ll want to later if you continue down this path, and that’s–”

“I love him.”

Mom’s mouth hangs open, and she goes silent mid-sentence. I’m shocked that I said it, too, but now that I have, I can’t turn back.

“Mom, I’m in love with Caleb. I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone, and you and Dad and the church might think that’s wrong, but I don’t think God does. Why would He make me like this if being myself is wrong? Why would He allow me to fall in love with Caleb if it’s a sin?” When Mom doesn’t interrupt me, I keep going. “Caleb makes me feel like I can do anything. He–he believes in me, and he encourages me and supports me, and he makes me feel brave. He cares about me, and he understands me, and I care about and understand him. Being with him doesn’t make me feel dirty or wrong. I’ve only been keeping our relationship a secret because I’m afraid of losing him. I’m only afraid of people seeing us together because I’m afraid you’ll take him away from me, and I can’t–” my voice breaks, a sob threatening to claw its way out of my throat. “I love him, and I don’t want to lose him. Please don’t take him from me.”

Mom has tears in her eyes now, but she doesn’t say a word. Tears are streaming down my face, but I can’t think of anything else to say. Because I know deep down that none of this matters. Me loving Caleb isn’t going to change her mind. Her mind’s made up. Not being straight is not okay. It never will be.

“I…Theo–”

“Please,” I sob. “Just…please think about it?”

Mom stands up and walks to the door. “We’ll talk again when your father gets home.” And with that, she leaves the room and closes the door behind her.

Monday, October 23

I haven’t heard from Theo since I left his house yesterday. All of my messages have gone unread, and when my phone finally did buzz, it was Harrison letting me know that my worst fears had come true.

Theo is on lockdown.

I’m honestly a little impressed that his parents thought of everything when it came to cutting off my connection to him. I mean, I’ve tried everything from email to TikTok messenger, even the word puzzle game that we like to play when we’re procrastinating homework. I try to spell out a message to him, but it goes unanswered.

By the time I get to school, I practically sprint through the halls to his locker. He’s not there, of course, but I’ll just wait here till he shows.

But he’s still not here when the first chime rings and that just ratchets up the anxiety in my stomach till it feels like there’s an entire beehive buzzing around. I hustle over to my first class, checking my phone one more time before taking my seat. Freddy catches my eye from the other side of the room, giving me a quizzical look, but I wave him off. I don’t know enough about what’s happening to try and explain it right now. I need to talk to Theo. To make sure he’s okay. To make sure he’s safe and not being carted off to some conversion camp where they electrocute his brain till they’re convinced he’s straight.

Isn’t that what they do at those places? I’ve honestly never looked it up.

Class begins, and I have to at least pretend like I’m not freaking out, but I quickly begin to unravel by the time lunch rolls around.

“What is going on?” Freddy asks. He and Wren are already at the lunch table when I join them.

I scan the dining room, searching for one of Theo’s band T-shirts for a glimpse of his dark hair. He’s got to be here. He’s got to be safe. I can’t think about the alternatives.

“Caleb.”

A tater tot bounces off my chest, falling onto my tray. Freddy and Wren are both staring at me now.

I set my tray down, taking a seat across from them. “Theo isn’t answering me, and Harrison messaged me last night saying that his parents had locked his phone. Which means they definitely know about us, and now I can’t stop thinking about all the terrible things that could be happening to him because of me–”

I exhale, forcing myself to hold for a few seconds before I take another breath.

“Have either of you seen him today?”

“He wasn’t in first period geometry,” Wren answers. “He missed the test and everything.”

“I don’t have a class with him till the afternoon,” Freddy says. “Have you talked to Harrison or the others about it?”

Before I can answer, I spot Harrison across the cafeteria, his sights trained on me. I give him a wave, and he hurries over, Elise just a few steps behind him.

“Hey guys,” he says, sliding onto the bench beside me. “Caleb, I–”

“Where’s Theo?” I interrupt, not able to contain myself. “Is he here? Did you talk to him? Have his parents shipped him off halfway across the country? Are they shocking his brain–”

“Breathe, Caleb.” Wren’s hand reaches across the table, wrapping around mine. “Let him finish.”

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