Page 126 of Theoretically Straight

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Caleb and I slip away from the gang shortly after dinner. We have forty-eight minutes before our curfew, and we have no intention of letting a single second go to waste.

The parking lot of Saint Catherine’s is completely deserted now. I imagine Triple H will be back tomorrow to finish filming the episode, but for now, the lot is empty. Well, almost empty.

Surely, no one will notice a little red hatchback tucked close to the building, just out of sight from the main road. Even if we are spotted, it’s very hard for me to care.

What can I say? I’m a bit of a bad boy now.

The windows fog up quickly from our shared body heat despite cracking all the windows to let the crisp November air inside. But it’s perfect.

After about twenty very hot, breathless minutes of making out in Caleb’s lap in the backseat of my car, we both know it’s time to stop.

We finally talked about sex a few days ago. For now, we’ve agreed to wait a little while. It’s only been two months. We want to wait until we’re both ready before we take that next step. Honestly, if making out is already this good, I don’t think I can even handle sex yet. I think I might die from being too happy. Or maybe my heart would explode. Who knows?

Once we catch our breaths and allow things to simmer down, I find myself gazing at Caleb, cataloging my favorite features for the hundredth time. His adorable pointed up nose. His beautiful curls. His soft, plush lips. The angle of his jaw and the slope of his neck.

I’m about to tell him how gorgeous he is, but Caleb opens his mouth to speak first.

“So, are we going to talk about how you told Hudson Helter on camera that you have a boyfriend tonight?”

I exhale a nervous laugh. “I should probably feel more freaked out about it, but…” I trail off, searching for the right words. “I don’t. It feels good, actually.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” I echo. “It feels like I’m free. I hadn’t planned on saying anything, but…I just pictured you, and the words just kind of flowed right out of me. It felt…easy.”

Caleb smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Shit, something is wrong.

“Hey, you okay?”

Caleb’s gaze drops to his hands, then back up to me. “I’ve been meaning to ask this for a while, but…I can never tell if it’s the right time. But it’s going to eat me alive if I don’t ask, so here goes.”

I wait for him to continue, offering my hand between us. Caleb takes it in an instant, interlocking our fingers.

“Do you…still feel guilty about us? Like…being with me. Are you still able to call yourself a Christian?”

I chew my bottom lip, considering his question for a few seconds. “I…I don’t think I feel guilty anymore. It still happens sometimes for other stuff, and if I’m honest, once we revisit the sex thing, the guilt might come back to haunt me, but…being with you doesn’t make me feel guilty at all. At least, not anymore.”

Caleb nods, then looks at me inquisitively. “So, you’re still able to be a Christian with me?”

I sigh. “To be honest, Caleb, I don’t really know. I mean…I’m technically still a Christian because I was baptized and all of that, but…I haven’t really felt close to God in a while. I don’t really talk to him much anymore, and I feel like he hasn’t talked to me, either. But that’s not because of you. I was already feeling distant from my faith long before you came along.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” I insist, squeezing his hand. “So, sure, it’s complicated, but…I don’t know. I’m not really worried about it anymore. I know that sounds weird, but…I’m just kind of taking it one day at a time, and the further along I get, the more okay everything feels. Does that make sense?”

Caleb rubs his thumb over mine. “I think so. But…are you sure you’re not missing anything because you’re with me? Like…do you think God stopped talking to you because you’re sinning with me, or whatever? Does he do that? Can you get blocked by God–”

“Hey,” I interrupt softly. I lean closer to Caleb, reaching out my free hand to gently cup his chin, tilting his face towards me until our eyes meet. “Listen to me. I promise that none of my faith stuff is your fault. I don’t know what I believe in when it comes to religion anymore, but I do know that I believe in you, and I believe in us. Okay? I’m so happy with you, Caleb. Happier than I’ve ever been. Even my mom can see it. You make me happy, and that’s all that matters.”

Caleb’s shoulders seem to relax, tension leaving his body. “Okay.”

“Do you believe me?”

He nods, his lovely brown eyes locked with mine. “I do.”

I pull our conjoined hands up to my lips and kiss the back of his palm. “I love you so fucking much.”

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