Page 14 of Theoretically Straight

“Shee?” Freddy mumbles through a mouthful of cheese and pepperoni, “I’m herry vise.”

Wren shakes their head. “You just agreed with Freddy. These are dark times, Caleb. Dark times indeed.”

“What choice do I have? It’s either this or accept the fact I’ll be single forever.”

“Forever is a bit much,” Wren argues, echoing Lola’s sentiment as they swipe a dark bang from their face. “But I get it. I have to ask, though, is being in a relationship really so important you’d consider jumping head-first into one you know isn’t going to work?”

They have a point.

But ever since Freddy got his first boyfriend back at the start of tenth grade, I can’t help but long for the same happiness (albeit short-lived) that he had. And with each new boyfriend of his, the jealousy has only gotten worse. Does it make me a shitty friend that his happiness makes me miserable? Maybe. But I can’t talk about it.

Sometimes you just have to suck up the shitty feelings so you don’t hurt the people you care about.

“I don’t know,” I admit, as one of the soccer boys bellows at the table beside us, raising his fists in the air in celebration. I raise my voice and add, “I just want to feel that spark, you know? I’ve never experienced it before, and at this point, I’m starting to wonder if I ever will.”

“You’re starting to sound like my mom when she’s swiping on her dating app of the week,” Freddy chimes in. “Give yourself a break, Cal. It’s not like you’re an old spinster.”

“I know, you’re right.Jeez, I will never get used to saying that to you.”

Freddy sticks his tongue out at me, and Wren laughs. “I think what we’re trying to say here is just relax, Caleb. The right guy will come along soon, and you’ll forget all about how sucky it feels right now.”

“What they said,” Freddy adds. “And if you end up some old, unwanted, gay recluse, you can always come and stay with me and my fabulously wealthy husband. We’ll prepare the guest house for you. You can be our pool boy.”

Wren and I share a look across the table.

Oh, great. Another plan for my loveless future. I deflate with a sigh.

“It’s the thought that counts, I guess.”

Saturday has finally arrived, and as planned, Eileen and I make the rounds to pick up my friends. Harrison is already at Elise’s house, so I only have to make two stops. Predictably, Harrison and Elise cram in the backseat, holding hands and giggling to themselves occasionally, while Oliver, with his freakishly long legs, takes the passenger seat up front. Once again, it’s a tight squeeze, but it’s more than manageable.

When we arrive at Pizza Palooza, it’s wildly busy. We have to split up right away so that Harrison and Elise can find a table while Oliver and I wait in line to order.

“God, they’re sickening sometimes,” Oliver grumbles to me as he watches Harrison and Elise flirting at the booth.

I elbow him. “Nah, you’re just jealous. Once you find someone, you’ll be just as gross.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Oliver says dismissively, then turns back to me with a grin. “Man, look at the two of us. The oldest of our friends and yet the lonesome bachelors.” He smirks at me. “I mean, I know whyI’mstill single.”

I raise an eyebrow at him. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

“I’m too unapproachable,” Oliver says while dramatically motioning a hair flip, even though all his sandy blonde hair is pulled back into a bun. “People are intimidated by my wit and charm. They always assume I’m far too hot and desirable to be single. I don’t blame them. I’d be intimidated by me, too.”

I roll my eyes. “Ah, yes, of course, that’s the reason.”

“Butyou? Why are you still single? You’ve been single for what, a month or two?”

“Yep.”

“So, who’s next? What’s the deal?” For a moment, his expression softens, and there’s a sliver of uncharacteristic seriousness. “Are you still actually, like,intoSienna? I know Harrison thinks you–”

I am already shaking my head vigorously as I interrupt him. “Not even in the slightest, dude. Harry’s just being Harry. I’m onethousandpercent over her. In fact, I’m not even sure I want to be friends with her anymore.”

“Damn, that bad, huh?” Oliver whistles. “Then why haven’t you been talking to any other girls?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, man. There’s not really anyone I really…connectwith, you know? Like, I’m sure there are some hot girls in Specter, but none of them seem interested in the same stuff as me, or–I don’t know. It doesn’t seem worth the drama right now.”

“So, what I’m hearing is that you’re literally single for lack of trying,” Oliver says with a grin.

---