Page 15 of Theoretically Straight

“I guess?”

“Sounds like you might end up being our weird single friend after college who just lives alone in a studio apartment with like twelve cats or something.”

“Twelve cats? That’s how you see my future?”

“Exactly. Theo, the crazy old cat lady. But hey, if you want, we can make a pact or something. If we’re both still single by thirty, I’ll settle down and marry you myself.” He grins as he wraps an arm around my shoulder and gives me a shake.

I laugh at an awkwardly loud volume.Shi–crap, that was too loud. Now it’s weird.Now he’s going to think I’m uncomfortable. Why would I be uncomfortable? Because I’m secretly gay or something? Obviously, I’m not, but even if I was, Oliver wouldn’t care if I was gay—none of my friends would. Well, except maybe Sienna, but yikes, that’s a whole separate can of worms that I don’t want to touch right now.

Ugh, I’ve got to get it together. It’s a joke. It’s Oliver. Why am I making this weird?

“No homo, of course,” Oliver adds with a chuckle, seemingly unaware of my inner panic.

“No homo,” I repeat, trying to think of something funny to say, but suddenly I’m flustered about being flustered. Shit. Crap.

“Next!” the cashier calls out, her eyes meeting mine. I quickly but casually slide out of Oliver’s grasp and escape to the counter to order my pizza.

Once we’ve regrouped at our table and are happily stuffing our faces, the weird feeling in my gut about Oliver’s joke has passed, and all that remains is the insatiable hunger for greasy pizza and the anticipation for the evening’s activities.

“Ugh, why are there only soccer people here?” Elise asks as she glances around the restaurant.

All our mouths are full of pizza, but Oliver answers anyway. “Nah, I saw Wren earlier. They were sitting with one of the soccer players and some red-headed kid.”

“Who’s Wren?” Harrison asks.

“They’re the non-binary kid me and Theo had Biology lab with last year,” Elise responds after a sip of her soda. “But yeah, they hang out with Freddy from the soccer team, so that’s why they’re here. But who’s the other guy?”

I shrug. I’m not good at paying attention to anyone that’s outside of our friend group. What’s the point? It’s not like anyone ever notices me.

Oliver shrugs. “I don’t know. His hair’s more like Sienna’s color.”

Elise’s eyes light up. “Oh yeah! I think I know who you’re talking about. He’s the cute curly-haired boy I had a crush on in ninth grade before I found out he was gay.”

Harrison clears his throat aggressively and almost goes into a coughing fit. Elise smiles mischievously at me without looking at Harrison. The power this girl holds over Harrison is unmatched and, quite frankly, frightening.

“Do you think they’re going to Saint Catherine’s too?” Oliver asks. “I mean, I know there are more Triple H fans out there. I can go ask them. Maybe we can hang out with them.”

“No way,” I answer sternly. “We need to stay focused. We’re here on a mission, after all.”

“Shit, my bad, you’re right,” Oliver concedes. “Stick to the plan. The plan is still letting you wander off to the basement alone, right?”

I nod. “Just me. I won’t be gone too long, and I may get caught and kicked out, but if I can capture something on camera, it’ll be more than worth it.”

“We all need to be super chill for this to work,” Harrison chimes in with a very serious tone, mainly looking at Oliver. “We can’t bring any kind of attention to ourselves, good or bad. As long as we blend in with the crowd, no one will even notice when Theo disappears.”

“Agreed,” Oliver says, his eyes and smile growing wider. “Holy shit, I’m so excited about this, guys! We might actually see some scary shit tonight! Can you imagine? Like a real ghost or demon or something!”

“I highly doubt it,” Elise says, scrunching her nose in disgust. “I’m more worried that it’s going to be super lame and educational. Like they’re actually going to try to teach us the history of the church or something.”

“Gross,” I mutter.

“Hey, that could still be interesting,” Harrison offers. “I’m sure there’s a lot of history to unpack at a place like that, you know?”

Elise and I just roll our eyes, but Oliver tosses a packet of red pepper flakes at Harrison’s face in response, and the table erupts into laughter.

“This way for the tour! We’ll be scanning your tickets at the door!”

The cracked and splintered parking lot outside the abandoned church is almost full. As we climb out into the sticky, warm air, a buzz of excitement hovers over the group of tour patrons across the lot. They form a rough line at the entrance to the sloped-roof chapel. I’ll bet they’re all Triple H fans, like us.

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