Page 5 of Theoretically Straight

“We are so blessed this morning to have Miss Sienna Watts back from South Africa! How cool is that?” Chase says excitedly into the microphone and the youth group cheers. Harrison and I are lingering towards the back, but even from back here, I can feel the radiance oozing off of Sienna, her post-mission trip glow outshining the bright spotlights overhead. “She and the team just flew in on Friday, so she really is a trooper for even being here today, let alone leading us in worship!”

I focus my gaze on a point on the wall behind Sienna and begin tuning out altogether. Sienna’s singing voice—albeit angelic and beautiful and freaking perfect as always—tends to pull me out of the pleasant trance that worship usually provides.

After a few minutes, I feel Harrison looking at me again. Sure enough, when I glance at him, he’s got that Concerned Best Friend expression. Damn it. I’m overwhelmed with the urge to escape to the bathroom, but that will only make Harrison more worried. I check my watch. 10:12 AM. Less than an hour to go. It’s fine.

When worship is finished, we all grab seats to listen to the Sunday School lesson provided by an overly caffeinated Chase. As promised, I save a seat beside me for Sienna, who slides in politely with her gigantic purse that looks more like a book bag. Inside, she has a massive Bible, full of different colored highlighted verses and handwritten annotations in the ledgers, as well as an ornate journal that has seen better days. She eagerly pulls both out, somehow balancing both on her skinny thighs, and then she pulls out a small pouch full of pens, pencils, and highlighters.

Two months ago, I found all these little quirks about Sienna charming, endearing, adorable even. Today, however…not so much.

I try to focus on the lesson. I really do. My proximity to Sienna makes my skin itch, and that familiar guilt twists in my gut again. The worst part is that Chase’s lesson is one of those very fundamental Bible stories that I’ve heard at least a thousand times before, so my mind wanders easily. Surely, there’s something new I can glean from this old story, right? Sienna must think so based on how furiously she’s taking notes and marking the verses in her Bible.

The rest of church is a blur of uneventful, mundane routine. We gather for more worship in the sanctuary with the adults. I spot my parents a few rows over from where I sit with my peers. The sermon is more or less the same as it always is, and I only almost nod off once this time.

Harrison sticks by my side, and eventually, so does Nathaniel, although I barely notice his silent arrival between services. I avoid Sienna, which is actually easier than I expected, but given that she’s just returned from a mission trip, many people want to talk to her.

Thanks for keeping her busy, by the way,I pray.You know better than anyone how weird this whole thing has been. Also, sorry for saying “damn it” in my head earlier. And also sorry for being bored during Sunday school. And the sermon. And for the less-than-pure thoughts about the college girls at the end of the row. Anyway, thanks again for Harrison and Eileen. And Nathaniel is pretty cool, I guess, for a little brother.

Before the closing song is over, Harrison, Nathaniel, and I slip out the back door and head for our cars, escaping to freedom.

Thursday, September 7

“What makes you think he likes you?”

Freddy stares back at me from across the lunch table, his phone in one hand and the grossest sandwich I’ve ever seen in the other. The thing is practically dripping with pickles.

I give a shrug, using my fork to shuffle around the pile of tater tots on my tray. “It’s just a feeling. I don’t know how to explain it. He handed me a basketball in P.E. yesterday, and it was this slow, deliberate thing. Full eye contact the whole time. Like he wanted me to know he knew what I knew that he knew.”

Freddy blinks back at me, the cogs under his dark curls whirring hard enough I think there’s smoke coming out of his ears.

“Did you have something on your face?” Wren asks, sliding in beside Freddy with their lunch bag and tossing blue-black bangs out of their eyes. “Because if this was yesterday, that zit on your forehead looked like it was ready to go Chernobyl. He may have been worried about being in the fallout zone.”

Freddy groans, dropping his sandwich on the table. “Really, Wren? I’ve asked you a hundred times not to mention nuclear disaster while I’m eating. I don’t want to think about people’s skin sloughing off.”

Wren pulls a slice of translucent deli meat from their sandwich, holding it out. “Too real?”

Freddy slides his lunch across the table. “Yeah, I’m done.”

I drum my knuckle against the table. “Focus, people. This is serious business. I need your help in trying to solve the age-old question of ‘Is that cute boy into me, or am I just desperate?’”

Freddy rolls his eyes, dragging the pickle-infested sandwich back to his side of the table. “You’re not desperate, Caleb. But jeez, why don’t you crush on someone easy for a change? There are, like, seven guys in our grade that are out and available. Which I’m pretty sure is a record for our sleepy little Specter.”

“Yeah, and they’ve all dated you at some point. I’m not interested in your sloppy seconds, Freddy.”

“Sharing exes is just part of the gay experience,” Freddy continues. “Especially when the pickings are slim. Didn’t they go over that in your introductory email?”

I roll my eyes. “I must have skimmed that section.”

Wren snorts a laugh. “Okay, enough snarky banter. We get it. You're both very witty. Now, fill me in. Who are we talking about?”

“Logan McCreadie,” I remind them, immediately jumping on the defensive. “And before you say anything, yes, I know he’s not officially out or anything, and yes, I know he was dating Sarah Schultz over the summer, but they’re definitely not together anymore, and he’s been throwing these vibes at me all week.”

Wren doesn’t look convinced. Which, to be honest, may just be their face. They kind of have a permanent scowl. “Explain these supposed vibes.”

“Well, the first time I noticed it was in Geometry when he looked over at me and did this thing with his foot under the desk.”

Freddy and Wren exchange a confused look.

“He did a thing with his foot?” Freddy repeats.

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