Page 57 of Theoretically Straight

I unfasten my seatbelt but don’t reach for the door. “Today was incredible. Thanks for the invite.”

“Sure thing,” Theo replies, reaching over to turn the volume down on the stereo. Then he leaves his arm on the armrest between us, leaning towards me in his seat. “The crew really enjoyed hanging out with you, so don’t be surprised if Elise finds you on Insta and starts sending you DMs.”

I hold up my phone. “Too late. She found me, like, an hour ago.”

Theo laughs, the corners of his eyes scrunching in that way that makes my stomach twist into a knot and my palms get clammy. And he’s just so close to me right now. Does he realize how close he is? The dim light from the dash highlights the sharp angle of his jaw, and I can smell the minty scent of his gum with every word.

“Hey, Caleb, I was going to ask you about something,” Theo starts, his gaze trailing down for a moment before it finds me again.

Oh my god, is this happening? Is this what I think it is? I’m not ready. Or maybe I am? I don’t know. I need more time to think about it. Or maybe I don’t?

My head is spinning, so I focus on breathing through my nose, my body locked in place like I’ve been turned to stone. “Okay, sure.”

Theo licks his lips, andgod,I can’t take being close to him for another moment. The heat behind my face is going to start melting my flesh off any second. I need him to touch me again, to direct some of this heat so I don’t burn up like a flashfire.

“This may sound weird, but ever since we went down into the basement at Saint Catherine’s, I’ve been feeling–”

Before I even realize what I’m doing, my hand hooks around the nape of Theo’s neck, and I close the distance between us, pressing my lips to his.

And suddenly, it’s like every sense I have is in overdrive. The lingering smell of sunscreen from Theo’s skin fills my nose as I inhale. The mildly sweet taste of mint from his lips as it hits the tip of my tongue. The explosion of sparks that bursts into the darkness even though I have my eyes closed. The sound of the surprised exhale that Theo makes when I pull away from him–

“Why did you do that?”

I open my eyes. There isn’t a smile on Theo’s face like I’d imagined there would be. His nostrils flare as he takes short, shallow breaths. His dark eyes are wide and shining like tears could roll at any time. I drop my hand.

Oh. Oh no, I had this all wrong.

“I-I’m sorry,” I stammer, any lingering electric charge in my body purging itself in an instant. “I thought that’s what you were–I mean, I thought we were–Shit. Shit, shit, shit.”

Theo leans back from me, and it feels like we were tethered together, and he’s ripped the connection off with a quick pull. “I didn’t… I wasn’t going to…”

“I’m sorry,” I say again, clawing at the handle beside me. The door pops open, and I scramble out, pausing to add, “I’m so sorry, Theo,” before closing it behind me.

I can hear his muffled voice from inside the car, but I can’t make out what he’s saying over the pounding pulse in my ears. My body propels me forward, up the stairs to the front door, and somehow, I manage to get the door unlocked and step inside before I slump against the wall and pull my knees into my chest.

Through the frosted window panel beside the door, Theo’s headlights come back on, and a few seconds later, they’re gone.

He’s gone.

And it’s all my fault.

I don’t remember the drive home. It’s honestly a miracle I end up in my own driveway.

I turn off the ignition and sit paralyzed in my car for several minutes, trying frantically to come to grips with what just happened. Not just that, but what’sbeenhappening for the past week.

It was never the orbs. It wasn’t a dark spirit or some ghost bullshit that I so desperately tried to believe in. Of course it wasn’t.

Now that I know what this is… What am I supposed to do?

I can’t be gay. It’s not an option. It’s never been an option. I’ve never considered the possibility of it being an option.

I can’t be gay. I’m straight. I’ve only ever liked girls. I’ve only ever been with a girl. If I was gay, wouldn’t I know by now? I’m seventeen, and I’ve never been attracted to a boy until now. That has to mean something, right?

I can’t be gay. I’m—I’m a Christian. It’s supposed to be a sin, isn’t it? Immediately, my stomach twists with that familiar icy guilt, shame washing over me in waves. How big of a sin is kissing a boy, anyway? Does it matter if I wasn’t the one who initiated the kiss? I’ve never had to give it much thought because I never imagined myself in this situation. Not in a million years. To be fair, I remember that the last time homosexuality was brought up at church, I felt weird about it, but only because it felt like it was a surprisingly outdated stance for the church to take. I remember Grace bringing it up in an argument with Dad once, too. Something about how the Bible verses that Christians choose to demonize homosexuality are shaky at best, but I hadn’t been paying much attention at the time.

Grace.Oh my God, I need to talk to Grace. She’ll know what to do.

But will she? How can I tell her?

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