Page 59 of Theoretically Straight

“Look, can we talk about this later–”

“You keep saying that, but then you’re always too tired, or too busy, or just outright avoiding us.” She snatches my pencil out of my hand, forcing me to look at her. Her eyes are full of concern, more than I think I’ve seen from her in months. “What’s going on, Theo? I just want to help, but I can’t if you don’t talk to me.”

I lean my elbows on the desk and put my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I don’t–I don’t want to talk about it, okay? Maybe–” I’m already wincing before the words even leave my mouth. “–maybe it’s none of your business?”

Elise recoils, stunned into silence for a few seconds. “Fine,” she says as she abruptly stands up, tosses my pencil back to me, and storms out of the room, leaving me alone again.

Shit. That was really stupid. Not only did she not deserve that, but now I’m in trouble with Harrison, too. It’s only a matter of time before this comes back to bite me.

And that time comes immediately after school.

“Theo, Harry’s here!” Mom calls up cheerfully. “Go ahead and head up. I’m not sure what he’s doing up there. Do you guys need anything to drink?”

“No thanks, Ms. Kora,” I hear Harrison reply shortly as he makes his way upstairs.

Here we go.

Harrison opens the door abruptly and shuts it behind him. “Theo, what the hell is your problem?”

I stare at him, clinging tightly to my denial but also well aware that I’ve messed up. I sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“You shouldn’t be sorry to me. You should be sorry to Elise. She was trying to help you get out of your weird-ass funk you’ve been in lately because you clearly won’t talk to me about it.”

I shrug, feeling the guilt start washing over me like familiar waves of ice-cold water across my chest.

“She has some pretty wild speculations about what’s going on with you, so if you don’t start talking, I’m going to start embarrassing you with her theories.”

Shit. Harrison doesn’t have any idea how close Elise might be. “Okay, look, Harrison, I’m really sorry. I can’t–I can’t tell you.”

Harrison stares at me. “What do you mean?”

“I–” I should have thought this through. I should have had a plan for this. “I had a fight. With Caleb. It’s just… It’s just been bumming me out, you know?”

“A…fight? With Caleb?”

“Yeah, but like, I promised to keep it a secret between me and him.”

“Did he come on to you?”

My entire body goes rigid. “Wh-what?”

“Did Caleb try something on you? Like I know he’s…”

“No, Harrison, God, that’s–why would you say that?” Suddenly, every ounce of fear that I had turns to anger.

“Hey look, man,” Harrison raises his hands defensively. “You’re not giving me anything here. I’m trying to make sense of you acting crazy.”

“By assuming that just because Caleb’s gay, he’d–” I feel myself shaking. I did this. I messed up, and I shouldn’t have brought Caleb into this at all. There’s no way I can tell Harrison what happened now. He won’t understand that what Caleb did wasn’t unwarranted. “Harry, this is why I can’t tell you. You’re just assuming things about him because he’s gay, and that’s… That’s not cool.”

Harrison sighs, but I can tell he’s considering my words. While he does, I wallow in the guilt, determining that I hate everything about the way this feels. Stepping on pins and needles for everything. Is this how Caleb lives every day? Never knowing who is going to be your friend or who is going to accuse you of doing something awful just because of who you’re attracted to?

Does Caleb think that I think that of him? Does he think he scared me away because he finally made the move that we clearly both wanted, but I was too afraid and confused to make myself?

Shit.

“You’re right, that was shitty of me,” Harrison concedes. “I’m sorry. I really like Caleb, too. I’m not used to having gay friends, but that’s not an excuse.”

I nod, glad that Harrison and I are on the same page. Well, kind of.

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