Page 6 of Theoretically Straight

I prop a sneaker up on the bench beside me, trying to replicate the seductive foot motion. It doesn’t really do the original justice, but I think it’s passable.

Freddy raises a thick eyebrow. “So, he was stretching his Achilles’ tendon? He was probably sore from the drills we’ve been running at soccer practice. Coach Reedy is trying to kill us this season.”

My foot hits the floor with athud.“Oh. Well, that’s fine. Then what about Tuesday when he was waiting by my locker after third period, and told me that he liked theHudson’s Haunted Habitatspin on my backpack?”

Wren jumps in on this one. “Isn’t Sarah’s locker, like, three down from yours? Do you think he may have been waiting to talk to her?”

Shit. That’s right. Oh my god, have I dreamt up this whole thing?

“Yeah, I guess that does make more sense,” I admit. “He was still there when I headed to Biology. Well, heck. Here I go again, making something out of nothing….”

Wren reaches across the table to offer me their ring-studded hand. “Don’t beat yourself up. I was convinced that Abby Sears was into me last year when she kept winking at me during English Lit. Turns out she just has Tourette’s, and apparently, her ticks went wild while we read Emily Bronte. I mean,Wuthering Heightsalso makes me twitch, but that’s for completely different reasons.”

“Why is my brain like this?” I ask, taking Wren’s hand and slumping down onto the table. “Why can’t I just like a boy who can, theoretically, like me back?”

“Tatt’s vat I’m sayin’,” Freddy agrees through a mouthful of sandwich.

“This will be the year,” Wren says, backing up their pep talk with a pitying hand pat. “You’ll find your perfect, moody boyfriend and drag him into our friend group like a demon dragging an innocent soul through the gates of hell.”

I crack a smile, the embarrassed heat in my cheeks cooling. “Not how I would have phrased it, but I claim it all the same.”

Leave it to Wren to compare high school romance to eternal suffering. I’m sure most people would have to agree.

Freddy grabs his phone as it lights up, tapping out a message. “And if the stars align, and we turn out to be wrong about Logan wanting to hop on it, then I’ll be the first to admit it. Also, I’ll be the first person in line to date him after the tragic but unavoidable breakup—ow! That was my kicking foot, Wren!”

“And if you want to keep kicking, you’ll grow a heart. Can’t you see our little Caleb is in emotional turmoil?” Wren looks at me and nods their head with wide eyes like they’re asking me to play along.

I clutch my chest. “What will become of me? I shall be single for the rest of my days….”

Freddy polishes off the last of his sandwich, wadding up the plastic bag and tossing it into his faded Pokémon lunch box. “Maybe you should just lower your standards. It certainly has served me well.”

Maybe he’s right. Freddy is far more experienced than I am when it comes to dating and…other things.Hell, I haven’t even kissed another guy, let alone had a hookup. It’s not that I’m afraid of sex or anything like that. It’s more like the opportunity hasn’t presented itself.

Or at least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I’m afraid the truth may be far sadder.

“And where do you think he should lower these so-called standards to? The basement alongside yours?” Wren gives me a wink before looking back at Freddy. “Not everyone is equipped for the fast and loose lifestyle of Freddy Desoto.”

Freddy snickers at that. “Fast and loose? Sounds like last Saturday night.”

“Oh please,” Wren says through a laugh. “We all know where you were Saturday night.”

“Stuck on the couch between us,” I chime in, “watching that cheesy horror movie from Wren’s mom’s collection.”

Freddy shudders, his constant smile inverting to a grimace. “Don’t remind me. I’m still trying to get the blood stains out of my brain. Why do you two always make me watch those movies? You know how I get.”

“In my defense,” I say, holding both hands out in a gesture of goodwill. “I didn’t know it would be a horror movie when I agreed to watch.”

Wren crosses their arms. “What exactly were you thinking a movie calledSlumber Party Massacre 4would be about?”

“I must have tuned out the massacre part,” I admit. “I expected a little more gossip and a little less gore. Also, I wasn’t prepared for so many topless scenes. What was with people in the nineties? It seems like there were just tiddies everywhere.”

“Not that we think women shouldn’t be able to show off their bodies,” Freddy adds quickly. “We’re not those kinds of gays who think the female body is gross. Right, Caleb?”

“Right, all I’m saying is that I don’t want to see tiddies for the sake of tiddies. Give me tiddies with backstory. Tiddies with heart. Fully-developed-as-characters tiddies. I think I just really enjoy saying the word ‘tiddies.’”

Wren rolls their eyes. “You two are ridiculous, and I would force you to watch the first threeSlumber Party Massacremovies if I wasn’t positive someone destroyed all copies for the sake of humanity. So there go my plans for the weekend.”

“Funny you should mention that,” I say, reaching for my phone. “I actually wanted to see if y’all were interested in a little field trip on Saturday. I was watching the preview for the latest episode of Triple H last night, and Hudson is going to talk about the old Catholic Church over off of Holly Street. Apparently, it sparked so much interest in the place that they’ve started up ghost tours after dark. Doesn’t that sound awesome?”

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