Page 61 of Theoretically Straight

Wren sits on the armrest. “You can tell us if you want.”

I separate myself from Freddy, wiping my cheeks again. “Theo invited me over to his house on Sunday to swim with his friends. And I swear I thought he was flirting with me, like, all day. I was so sure. We even had a moment in his bedroom, just the two of us, and I felt something was going to happen, but then it didn’t. He drove me home, but he lingered and wanted to talk to me about something, so when he leaned in close, I kissed him.

“But when I pulled back–when I saw the look in his eyes–I knew I’d fucked up. He freaked out, and I just left him there. Ran inside and hid under my covers the rest of the night. I mean, how fucking stupid can I be? Am I so desperate for someone to like me that I keep imagining things? Theo never wanted me to kiss him, and now he can’t even look at me.”

“I don’t think you were imagining things,” Wren says, getting up and coming around to the other side of me on the sofa. “There was definitely something going on between you two during the movie.”

“Have you tried to talk to him since then?” Freddy asks.

I shake my head, the growing lump in my throat keeping me from answering.

Wren leans in. “Do you want to talk to him?”

My first instinct is to shout yes, to explain how much I want to fix things with Theo. But deep down, I know it’s only because I’m hoping he actually does have feelings for me. And I have to stop seeing things that aren’t there. I have to stop letting myself get caught up in these silly fantasies because, at the end of the day, I’m just hurting myself. And people like Theo. Good, kind-hearted people who don’t deserve to be kissed by desperate messes like me.

“I don’t know,” I eventually answer, exhaling a shuddered breath. “He’d probably run away from me at this point. I wouldn’t blame him.”

“Hey.” Freddy cups his hands around mine. “We’re here to back you up. If you want to talk to him, if only to clear the air, then just say so. Even if I’ve got to hunt him down and tackle him in the hallway at school, we’ll make it happen.”

“Maybe you could try texting him first,” Wren says, patting my shoulder. “Before we resort to tackling.”

Freeing one of my hands, I dig for my phone. “Okay, I can do that. Thank you, guys. I don’t say it enough, but I really do love you both.”

“Aw,” Freedy coos. “We love you too, Cal. You’re like the annoying little brother I never wanted. And Wren, you’re the aloof, overachieving older sibling who makes our parents wonder why they ever had other kids. And I’m the problematic middle child with a heart of gold. What a beautiful little family we make.”

“Oh.” I stare down at the message that came through a few minutes ago. “He texted me.”

Freddy and Wren both lean closer to read the message.

Theo

hey Caleb. I think we need to talk about Sunday, but before that, I want to say I’m sorry for freaking out on you. you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m also sorry for avoiding you this week. do you want to talk about it? I’d really like to still be friends if you do :)

“What are you going to say?” Wren asks.

I pan between my two best friends, soaking in every bit of the love I feel from them.

“I think I’m ready to talk.”

* * *

Wednesday, September 20

Theo and I agree to meet after school at Spookies. Wren offers to drive me, which I wholeheartedly accept, and Freddy says he’ll head over the minute soccer practice lets out for emotional support in case things take a turn for the worse.

We pull into a parking spot outside the coffee shop, but I’m in no hurry to get out of the car. Wren doesn’t rush me as they shut off the engine. We sit in silence, staring up at the inflatable ghost on top of the building as it bobs in the breeze.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Wren asks, brushing dark bangs from their eyes as they turn to face me. “You can just walk away, you know.”

I’ve been weighing that very idea in my head all afternoon. Especially when I caught Theo looking at me during English Lit. It would be the easy option, to rip Theo from my everyday thoughts and shove him in the corner of my subconscious till his name doesn’t make my heart hammer or my palms sweat. But while it may be the easy way, I don’t think it’s the right choice. For either of us. I need the closure, and if there really is nothing between us, then maybe I can get to a place where being his friend will feel like enough.

“I want to. I’ve been playing the last week over in my head, trying to figure out if I’ve been reading signs that aren’t there, but the more I think about it, the more I can’t stop remembering every little gesture, every smile, or touch that screams something more. I don’t know. Maybe he’s too scared to admit it to himself because of the whole religion thing. But if that’s the case, I think I need to be there for him. If only as someone who can listen and let him know it’s okay to have these feelings.”

Wren watches me, a shiny sheen in their pale eyes that’s foreign to me. “You’re a good person, Caleb. I want you to know that.”

“Uh, thank you?” I say with a laugh, not sure how to respond.

They fold their arms, their features stoic. “I mean it. Call it fate or divine intervention, whatever vibes best with you, but I think Theo came into your life for a reason.”

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