Page 62 of Theoretically Straight

For once, there’s no sarcasm to be found under their words.

“Are you okay? You don’t usually get this philosophical until it’s after midnight, and you’ve already shotgunned two Red Bulls.”

Wren laughs, shaking their head. “Sorry, it just came over me there for a second. I guess what I’m saying is I think it’ll all work out for the better. And even if today is hard and things don’t go as planned, Freddy and I will be right there to pick you up.”

“Thank you, Wren.” I exhale, placing a hand on the door handle. “Okay, I can do this. Icando this.”

“I’ll wait a few minutes, then head in,” Wren says, checking their phone. “I’ll grab a table far enough not to spook him–” they pause, chuckling. “Get it? Spook him?”

“I do get it,” I say, popping open the door. The afternoon air is thick with heat, even though it’s late September. It rises up from the pavement in swirling tendrils of distortion. Going up the sidewalk, I pull open the cobweb-covered door and duck inside. The regular afternoon rush is in full swing, and the line to order is already long. I probably wouldn’t be able to get any food or coffee around the squeezing sensation in my chest right now, so I just head into the cafe and search for Theo.

I find him in the corner booth, sliding his iced coffee cup across the table from one hand to the other. He doesn’t see me till I’m slinking into the opposite side of the booth, and he jolts so badly he almost knocks his drink over.

“Hey!” he says, grabbing the cup before it can topple. “You snuck up on me, there.”

“Sorry,” I say, and it feels like I’m apologizing for a lot more than surprising him. “Um, hi, I guess.”

Theo grins, pulling his hands into his lap. “Hi. Thanks for meeting me. I wasn’t–I didn’t know if you were mad at me or upset about the other night.”

“Mad at you?” I echo, raising my brow. “What are you talking about? I thought you’d be the one that was upset. I was so stupid that night, Theo. I’m so sorry I sprung that on you.”

Theo looks over his shoulder, leaning forward across the table as he speaks in a low voice. “It’s okay. I’m not angry about it or anything. I want to make sure you know that.”

Honesty. That’s what Lola and Dad told me. I need to be honest with Theo and see if he’ll do the same for me. It’s the only way we’re going to be able to figure this thing out without our friendship exploding.

I nod, lowering my voice as well. “I’m glad. But I have to be honest, Theo. I’ve been picking up some really mixed signals from you. And the reason that happened the other night was because I got the impression that you may have been interested in me. In, like, a more-than-friends kind of way.”

“Oh,” Theo mumbles, his gaze falling to the table.

“And I could be totally wrong,” I continue, trying to steer the conversation away from the proverbial cliff. “And if I am, you can tell me, and I’ll never bring it up again, but I just had to be honest with you for my own sake. You see, I have this bad habit of thinking that someone is flirting with me. Like, a few weeks ago, there was this guy at school, you may know him actually, his name is Logan–I don’t know why I told you that–but anyway, I thought he was flirting with me by doing this thing with his foot, but Freddy told me he was just stretching his calves because of soccer practice and the coach–”

“What if I was flirting with you?” Theo interrupts me, his eyes still focused downward. “What if I was doing it and I didn’t know it? What does that mean?”

“Wait. You mean I wasn’t imagining it?”

Theo scratches the back of his head, frowning. “I… I don’t think you were.”

“Oh.” It’s my turn to mumble incoherently.

I wasn’t expecting that. I mean, sure, I’d hoped I wasn’t just imagining the chemistry between us, but the alternative comes with a whole other slew of implications. If he does feel the same way, why did he react like that when I kissed him?

He props his elbows on the edge of the table and covers his face with his hands. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Before meeting you, I never even thought it was possible for me to… feel like this. It was never an option. So, I’ve been wracking my brain trying to explain what changed.” He pulls his hands away, really looking at me for the first time with wide eyes. “It’s driving me crazy, man—to the point where I literally convinced myself that I was being haunted by some kind of ghost that followed me home from Saint Catherine’s or something! But the more time goes on, I–I think it’s just me. And ifI’mbeing completely honest–” Theo glances nervously from side to side before lowering his voice to a harsh whisper. “I’mfuckingscared. How can I go my entire life thinking of myself as one way, and it completely changes overnight? What happens if I wake up a year from now and I’m this entirely different person? How messed up is it if I don’t even know who I am?”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to tell him or how to comfort him, even though every fiber of me wants to. I have to try, though. If nothing else, just to let him know I’m here.

“Do you really feel all that different?” I ask after a moment. “Like your entire self has changed?”

Theo's eyes narrow. “What do you mean?”

I quickly organize my thoughts. “I mean, other than whatever it is that you’re feeling about me, have there been any other changes? You still like the same things, right? Triple H and making TikToks, hanging out with your friends, playing video games with Harrison, that’s all the same, right?”

Theo nods slowly.

“So, maybe it’s not that you’re a different person or somehow changed radically overnight. Maybe it’s more like you’ve found something that’s been there the whole time but socked away. People can’t possibly know every detail about themselves, especially at our age. I mean, hell, I just found out I like Brussels sprouts, and I’ve been alive for almost seventeen years.”

Theo cracks a smile, and it encourages me to keep going.

“I’m not trying to convince you of one thing or another. I just think maybe you’ve got it a bit twisted up? Maybe this is a part of who you’ve always been, and you’re just now getting around to figuring out what that looks like.”

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