Page 69 of Theoretically Straight

I stare at my bedroom floor. I wish Caleb were here. I wish I could be braver about this. I told him myself that he brings it out of me—maybe Caleb’s the missing piece here. Maybe I should ask him to come over for support.

No. Harrison is my best friend. I can do this.

“I lied to you about Caleb telling me a secret,” I finally blurt out.

Harrison furrows his brow. “What are you talking about?”

“Remember earlier this week, I told you that the reason I’ve been acting so weird is because I’ve been keeping a secret for Caleb?”

“Yeah?”

“I lied. It was my own secret.”

“Yeah, no shit, Theo.”

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, and when I open them again, I’m ready. “I like Caleb. A lot.”

“Yeah, we all do,” Harrison says slowly, still looking at me with confusion.

“No, dude. Ireallylike Caleb. Like…we kind of made out on his bed yesterday?”

Harrison’s eyes widen, and his mouth drops open. “Oh,” he finally says, the gears turning in his head as he processes my words.

“I don’t exactly know what that makes me, other than not one hundred percent straight, I guess,” I continue. “I’ve decided it’s a lot easier if I don’t put a label on it yet. But you’re my best friend, and I wanted you to know first. Well, I guess Caleb kind of found out first. He kind of figured it out before I did. Which makes sense because he’s gay, so he’s got a better eye for this kind of thing. But I don’t think I’m technically gay because I still like girls and find lots of them attractive. I find a lot of people attractive, really, but I didn’t realize that what I felt towards some guys was…attraction? Until spending time with Caleb made it really freakin’ obvious because literally all I ever want to do is hold his hand and touch his hair and kiss his face and–sorry, that’s TMI. But yeah, that’s never happened to me before, you know? And I just–I don’t know, but I–I wanted you to know because you’re my best friend, and it’s important.”

Harrison is still staring at me, blinking rapidly like a malfunctioning robot.

“I hope this doesn’t make things weird between us or anything,” I hear myself keep talking to fill the silence, fear creeping in that maybe Harrison isn’t going to react as positively as I’d hoped. “God, I really hope it doesn’t, because I kind of need your help through this because if I think about it too much it freaks me out, like–I feel like this is going to need some kind of explanation, right? Like I have to tell Elise and Oliver, but also other people at school, right? And then there’s my family—fuck,what am I going to tell my parents? I have to tell them eventually. I don’t want to keep Caleb a secret like I’m ashamed of him because I’m not, but I’m scared. I’m scared that it’s not going to go over well, and I really just need–”

“Theo,” Harrison finally says my name and grabs my shoulder, and the relief that washes over me is instant. My voice was wavering the longer I rambled, and I’ve never been more thankful for a reason to shut up.

Harrison pushes his glasses up and narrows his eyes at me. “Theodore Briggs, you know me better than that. Of course this doesn’t make anything weird between us. You’re my best friend, and you liking a boy doesn’t change a single thing about that.”

I take a shaky breath, my eyes suddenly filling with very unwanted tears. I nod in his direction, knowing that if I open my mouth, the floodgates will burst.

“Shit, man, come here,” he holds his arms open, and I practically collapse into him. He wraps his much bigger arms around me, enveloping me in a hug. “I’m so sorry you were ever afraid to tell me. You’re my family. I love you exactly the way you are, no matter who you like or what you end up labeling yourself. Never be afraid to be yourself with me, dude. Never.”

I nod into his shoulder, the tears flowing freely now.

“Alright, that’s enough of that or you’re going to make me cry,” he mutters, his voice getting shaky, too. We pull away, and I quickly wipe my eyes on my shirt sleeve.

“Thanks, Harry,” I say softly. “It means a lot. I knew you…I knew you wouldn’t be–but I was freaked out. This is all really new and weird for me.”

“I can’t promise that I’ll always understand, but I will always be here to support you,” Harrison says, his expression extremely serious. “If anyone starts giving you shit about having a boyfriend, they’ll have to deal with me. And Elise and Oliver, for that matter. Man, Elise is going to lose her mind, you know that, right?”

“What?”

“She tossed out that theory on Sunday, something about you and Caleb having something more going on, and I told her she was crazy. I’m never going to hear the end of it now.”

I laugh. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry, dude. She’s never going to let that go, either.”

“Never,” he says, smiling at me. “But it’s okay. She’s always going to give me shit for something.”

“That’s true. It might as well be about her gay-dar picking up on something no one else was getting.”

“It must be the gay anime and fanfiction she reads,” Harrison says thoughtfully. “Right? Caleb reads them, too, doesn’t he?”

I snort and bump my shoulder into his. “That must be it.”

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