Page 72 of Theoretically Straight

I exhale a shaky breath. This is way easier than telling Harrison, and I can’t tell if it’s because it’s the second time I’ve had this conversation today or because I had no doubt that Grace would have the most positive reaction possible. Probably a little of both.

“Who all have you told?” she asks.

“You and Harrison so far,” I answer. “I’m going to tell Elise and Oliver this weekend, but…” I hesitate to finish the thought.

Turns out I don’t have to. “You’re not sure about Mom and Dad yet.”

I nod, my gaze dropping to the floor.

Grace sighs. “Yeah. I don’t blame you. They don’t exactly adapt to things very easily. So far, when it comes to me, they’ve freaked out about my choice in major, my nose piercings, my hair color, and most recently, my refusal to drag myself to church every Sunday. They might completely lose it when they learn that at least two of their three children aren’t straight.”

“Yeah,” I grumble, raking a hand through my hair. “So, you never told them you’re…”

“Bi? No, I didn’t think it was worth the risk. But–” she trails off, gazing at me sadly. “I didn’t realize I liked girls until I was already out of the house most of the week, so it’s pretty easy to keep it from them for now. But you’ve still got at least a year before you’re out of here.”

“Yeah, and I don’t want to keep Caleb a secret. I don’t want him to think I’m ashamed of him. He deserves so much better than that.” The thought of Caleb makes me smile despite the anxiety, and my stomach flutters. “He’s really amazing, Grace. I can’t wait for you to meet him.”

Grace looks like she might explode as her hands cover her cheeks, almost like a real-life anime character. “Aww, oh my God, Theo! You’ve got it that bad already?”

I feel my face getting hot. “No. I don’t know…I guess? I’ve never really felt like this about anybody before. Not even with Sienna.”

Grace makes a face at the mention of Sienna. Man, did anyone other than my parents like Sienna? “Well, maybe this is the real deal. Or—shit, sorry, it’s probably way too early to tell. You’re seventeen, don’t listen to me. But I’m just ridiculously happy for you.”

“So do I need to like–” I fidget in my chair. “–come out on social media or something at some point? I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t remember you coming out exactly.”

“That’s entirely up to you, bud. I only came out on the socials that I knew Mom, Dad, or old Specter friends wouldn’t see, and there was nothing really ‘official’ about it. I think I updated my dating preferences on Facebook, and during pride month, I put a little ring of the bisexual flag on my profile picture, which flew right over the heads of anyone who would have had a problem with it. To be honest, Theo, I have it really easy. I get to just fly under the radar because I’m not in a relationship with anyone right now, and I don’t live at home most of the time. For you, coming out will probably need to be a lot different. You have to decide if it’s worth it to you to introduce Caleb as your boyfriend or keep it a secret to avoid the inevitable.” She gives me that really serious look like she’s about to drop some ancient, cryptic older sibling knowledge, so I lean in. “You have to decide if this is something worth fighting for. I can’t make that call for you. Neither can Caleb, and neither can Mom or Dad. And if you feel like it might be safer to wait another year, that’s up to you. Just make sure you’re honest with Caleb and anyone else you date along the way.”

I nod to show my understanding. I know she’s right. It sounds so obvious—so simple when it’s said out loud. But making that decision to tell people? Especially my parents, who may or may not even allow me to see him at all? It’s terrifying. It would be nice to just keep Caleb to myself, to continue spending time with Caleb in secret, and never worry about telling my parents the truth. But I can’t do that to Caleb. I don’t want him to feel like a dirty secret. I want him to feel special. He deserves that.

I let Grace’s advice sink in for a bit, dreading the answer to my next burning question. I’m honestly not even sure if I want to bring it up. Everything’s so perfect—why ruin it now? I’ve been avoiding the topic so far. Do I really need to ask?

“Talk to me, bud. What’s going on?”

Shit, she never misses anything.

“I…well, so, when you realized you liked girls,” I ask nervously. “Did you still feel like you could still be a Christian?”

Grace’s expression hardens. I know I’m striking a nerve, and I’m beginning to worry that maybe I should drop it. But before I can backtrack, she sighs. “Theo, I’m going to be as honest with you as I can be while also trying to respect your desire to keep being a good Christian. I don’t want to take anything away from you. I know you’re still technically a teenager, but you’re practically a legal adult now, so you can make your own decisions. But you should also know that I donotidentify as a Christian anymore, so my advice on this topic is going to be biased. Are we clear?”

I nod slowly.

“Okay. So, here’s the thing. I believe that you can absolutely be a good Christian and also be gay. Or bi, lesbian, pansexual, asexual, whatever. I believe that most Christians use specific verses of the Bible out of context to justify their homophobia, but that inherently there’s nothing in the Bible saying that men can’t love other men, or anything like that.”

Grace speaks very slowly and deliberately, clearly trying to make sure she’s coming across as objective, but I’m hanging on to her every word. This is new information.

“There are lots of different translations and interpretations of those verses, most of them regarding the concept of ‘sodomy,’ but there’s a lot of debate on what the original translation and context of those phrases even were. Also, sodomy and homosexuality are not the same thing. They weren’t then, and they aren’t now. That’s an entire tangent that I could go into in more detail if you’d like, and I can get you some stuff to read on the subject, but I don’t think it’s necessarily what you need to hear from me today. Am I right?”

I stare at her, trying to understand. “I–I don’t know. I mean, if you’re saying that the Bible doesn’t condemn homosexuality at all and it’s just a big misunderstanding, then why is it even an issue at all?”

Grace takes a deep breath. “That’s the complicated part that involves a lot of politics and centuries of heteronormative patriarchy. There’s…a lot, Theo. I had never even heard of most of this stuff until leaving Specter, and I’m still digging into it even in my higher-level anthropology and sociology classes. What matters for you right now is knowing that your sexuality is not incompatible with your faith. If you believe in the basics of Christianity, you should know that wanting to hold hands with a boy does not take away from your salvation. If you believe that God created the world and that everyone is born into sin and is therefore deserving of hell, but then God sent Jesus to die for those sins so that anyone who accepts Jesus as their Savior will be saved from hell and will go to heaven… That’s what makes you a Christian. That’s it.”

“So, what about the other stuff? Like, don’t have sex before marriage, don’t steal, don’t curse, all of that?”

“Honestly? According to John 3:16, that stuff doesn’t really matter, does it? ‘For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.’”

“I–I guess,” I mutter, trying not to make it obvious that my head is spinning. “I never thought of it like that.”

“I know. That’s intentional on the part of the church.”

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