Page 73 of Theoretically Straight

“Why?”

“As a means of–” Grace suddenly stops herself, smirking and shaking her head. “I’ve already said too much. Sorry. I need to stop.” She reaches forward and takes hold of both of my hands. “All I want you to worry about is the first part of what I said. Being straight is not a prerequisite for being a Christian. Period.”

“I mean, I can see what you mean, but like…will people at church feel that way?”

Grace sighs and closes her eyes. She hesitates for a few seconds, letting the weight of my question linger. “No, probably not.”

I feel the familiar burn of tears prickling the backs of my eyes. “Then…that’s bullshit, why even–” I swallow hard. “So, it doesn’t matter if I know that I can be bi and still be a Christian because people at church are still going to tell me that it’s wrong?”

“To be fair, I don’t think all churches are like that,” Grace offers. “In fact, there are a lot of churches in Atlanta that are very progressive and welcoming to the queer community. But, yeah, probably not SCC. At least not right now.”

I chew on the inside of my cheek, willing myself not to cry. “That’s…that’s–”

“I know,” Grace whispers, squeezing my hands. “I’m sorry.”

I stare at the floor and focus on bouncing my leg. I know she’s my sister, and she’s seen me cry a million times before, but I can’t stand the thought of losing it now. Everything was going so well. Shit, shit, shit.

“Listen, I know that this is a lot, and I’m so sorry you have to deal with all of this all at the same time. It didn’t happen in this order for me, and your stakes are arguably higher than mine were, but I do understand a lot of what you’re going through, and I’m here for you, Theo.” I’m still burning a hole in my floor with my eyes, so it startles me when I feel Grace’s fingers through my hair. “You just need to talk to me, okay? I’m here, and I love you, no matter what. You are stronger than you know, but don’t be afraid to ask for help.”

Completely against my will, a broken sob wracks through me, and tears start streaming down my cheeks. Grace pulls me into her arms and holds me as I cry, no longer trying to hold it back. All the fear, all the uncertainty, all the unfamiliarity, and all the unfairness of everything hits me at once, and I just can’t keep ignoring it anymore. I cry until I can’t cry anymore, all while Grace strokes my back and tells me that everything is going to be okay.

Finally, I pull away, sniffling. “Well, that was embarrassing,” I mumble with a crooked smile.

Grace smiles at me, her eyes wet from crying, too. “Nah, you’ve been way more embarrassing than that, I can assure you.”

“That’s probably true.”

“Well, I’m going to go get settled in,” Grace says with a sigh as she stands up. “I have to be at work early tomorrow, unfortunately.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” I say with a wince. The breakfast shift at Cathy’s is essentially torture. It’s nonstop insanity, and the customers are always awful. “Godspeed.”

“Thanks. But hey, text me if you need me. You know I’m always checking my phone on the clock.”

“I know. Thank you, Grace. For everything.”

“You’re very welcome, bud. Anytime.”

Caleb

how’d it go with your sister?

Theo

good. I didn’t expect it to go badly, but it’s nice knowing I have her support. I think it’ll make it easier if I decide to tell my parents.

Caleb

definitely. I’m so happy it went well. how are you feeling?

Theo

a little overwhelmed. I think it’s all starting to catch up to me, and I kinda had a bit of a breakdown while I was talking to Grace. ^.^; but it’s fine.

Caleb

:( I know it sucks right now, but i just want you to know that i’m proud of you. and i’m right here if you need anything!!!

Theo

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