Page 95 of Theoretically Straight

Theo pulls back, his face flushed. “Yeah, I did. Is that okay? That I call us that, I mean. Boyfriends?”

I nod emphatically. “Absolutely. One hundred percent.”

His grip on my hand tightens. “I really like you, Caleb. And I’m trying my best not to screw this up.”

“I like you too. And you’re doing great, I promise. We’ll get there.”

Theo looks around one more time, then leans in close again. “Just to tie us over,” he whispers, then his lips are on mine, and the tension that had been building all afternoon in my gut melts away.

And even when he pulls away and his hand drops from mine, I know in my heart he wants to kiss me again just as badly as I want the same.

The sun is starting to set, which means it’s time to head to the Ferris wheel. I’ve been daydreaming about it all day. Theoretically, once we’re at the top, I think we’ll be far enough out of sight of the crowds for me to kiss Caleb. But I don’t want to tell him—I want it to be a surprise.

Plus, the last thing I want to do is disappoint him if I end up chickening out.

We hurry to get in line for the Ferris wheel, anxiety gripping me that we won’t make it in time. Caleb swears that it’s okay if we’re not on the wheel the moment the sun starts setting, but I refuse to keep disappointing him. I wantthis—just this one moment—to be perfect.

As we wait in line with the crew, I sneak in a few more casual touches with Caleb every chance I get. Bumping shoulders, feet, knees, whatever we can without drawing attention. As the sky darkens, I feel bolder. I link pinkies with Caleb or lean into his shoulder, feeling especially brave when I’m standing in Harrison’s shadow. Surely, no one is paying attention to two random teenage boys barely touching in line for the Ferris wheel, right?

Besides, whatever anxiety I was feeling about people looking at us is occasionally overpowered by anxiety about the amount of attention Freddy and Andrew are getting. Not that it’s anything direct—it’s only a handful of people giving them side-eyed glances of confusion, disgust, or alarm. No one says a word or does anything, but it definitely has me tensing up every time they kiss or embrace, bracing myself for a consequence that never really comes.

If I’m honest with myself, ever since Andrew joined our crew today, I’ve been struggling not to feel jealous. I have no right to be jealous because the only reason Caleb and I can’t be physical like that is becauseI’mafraid. I’m the one holding us back. It’s agonizing. I don’t know how much longer I can take it.

“Earth to Theo,” Oliver says, waving a hand in front of my face. “Are you still with us, bud?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” I respond, focusing my gaze on Oliver. I wonder for a moment what I was staring at before—hopefully not a person. “What are we talking about?”

“We’re almost to the front of the line, so we’ve got to couple off,” Oliver says. “Lucky for Wren, they’re going to be coupled off with me.”

“Lucky me,” Wren replies with a grin. “Plus, you and I need to revisit our conversation earlier about the Stephen King IT movies, and I’m not allowed to talk about those within fifty feet of Freddy.”

“That is correct,” Freddy agrees, wrapping an arm around Andrew’s waist. “Not another word until I’m out of hearing range.”

We’re finally approaching the front of the line, and Harrison, in his never-ending pursuit of looking out for me in every conceivable way, pushes me to the front of our group, and I tug on Caleb’s sleeve to follow me—being sure to graze a finger across his skin while I grip his shirt. I look up at the sky. The sun is still above the horizon.Yes!

After securing Binx once again inside my flannel, Caleb and I climb aboard our gondola. There is no seatbelt—just a flimsy lap bar that the attendant casually lowers across our legs once we’re seated. I keep a safe casual distance from Caleb in front of the attendant, but the second we start rising, I scoot over until our thighs and shoulders touch.

“We made it,” I say, smiling as I look out over the park, and we rise up about halfway.

“We did,” Caleb agrees. His hand is on the lap bar, but he inches it over a little. I follow his lead and put my hand on the lap bar, too, right beside his so that our pinkies touch. It’s barely anything, but I feel the sparks like tiny fireworks erupting across my arms and into my chest.

“Have you had fun today, despite…everything?” I ask.

Caleb furrows his brow and looks at me. “Of course I have. I mean, sure, it’s been…difficult, but I’m still having fun with you. With everyone else, too, but especially you.”

My chest feels like it might burst. I wonder for a minute if I should tell him I love him, but quickly squash the idea completely. If I can’t even hold his hand in public without being afraid of the wrong person seeing, it’s not fair to start saying, “I love you.”

God, Caleb deserves so much better than me.

“You okay?” Caleb asks, allowing his pinky to graze over mine.

“Yeah, I just–I don’t know. Maybe–maybe I should come out to my parents this week.”

Caleb doesn’t say anything right away. I turn to see his expression, and it’s thoughtful and only a little anxious. “Really?”

I look back down at our hands on the lap bar. “Maybe. My worst fear is that they’ll take my phone or my car away and not let me see you. But assuming they don’t do that, it would make things so much better because we could touch each other in public because I wouldn’t be afraid anymore, but–” I exhale a shaky breath. “–if they freak out, I risk not being able to see you as much as we do now.”

“So don’t tell them yet,” Caleb says gently. “If it’s not worth the risk, don’t do it.”

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