Page 99 of Theoretically Straight

“We were on the Ferris wheel,” I explain, the last ten minutes playing through my head in sputtering flashes like an antique movie projector. “He kissed me. And then… well, we were kind of making out at one point, and he saw his ex, Sienna, in the crowd below, looking up at us. And it freaked him out. He tried to go after her, but then the crowds set off a panic attack. I didn’t know what to do, Wren. I didn’t know how to help or–or—” My words get swallowed up by sharp inhales, and my vision blurs with tears.

This is all my fault.

“Hey.” Wren takes hold of both my hands, steering me down so we’re at eye level. They speak slowly, “You did the right thing by getting help.”

It doesn’t matter if I did the right thing in the aftermath. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m the root of the problem. If Theo wasn’t kissing me, there wouldn’t have been anything for Sienna to see. Now, who knows what’s going to happen? What if she already told his parents? What if they kick him out of his house when he gets home? Or worse, they whisk him away, forbidding him to contact me or his friends?

I’ve ruined his life all because I wanted a boyfriend. How fucking selfish is that?

“Jesus, Caleb, who died?”

Freddy is standing next to Wren now, his expression somewhere between confusion and concern.

“Shut up, Freddy,” Wren steps in. “Not the time.”

He holds up his hands. “Okay, jeez. Sorry. Hey, where did everyone go? Oliver said he wanted to challenge Andrew to a corn dog eating contest, and I was going to watch, you know, for science.”

“They had to leave,” Wren says, releasing their grip on me and pulling Freddy to the side so they can whisper in his ear.

Without Wren’s grip tethering me to reality, my mind drifts back to Theo and all the ways I’ve screwed up his life. How can I face him again, knowing what I did?

“Caleb Reynard, look at me right this second.”

Freddy is standing in front of me, his signature smirk nowhere to be found. He claps both his hands down on my shoulders, squaring me up. “Listen to me. I know what you’re thinking right now. Don’t bother trying to say otherwise. You feel shitty, and I understand that. The situation sucks, and you’re looking for something–someone–to take the blame. But what happened tonight is not your fault.”

It’s easy for him to say it. He hasn’t ruined anyone’s life today.

I try to look away, but Freddy shakes me till I lock eyes with him again. “I’m serious! Do not blame yourself.”

Before I can think, I shove him in the chest, and he stumbles back into Wren, who catches him. “What else am I supposed to do? I’m the reason all of this is happening to him! None of this would matter if he were kissing a girl on that Ferris wheel.”

Freddy detaches himself from Wren, closing the distance between us once more. “I’m not arguing that fact. But think about it, Caleb. This was going to happen to Theo whether it was with you or not. Someday, down the road, he would have found another guy that brought up these feelings, and it would be the same story.”

Maybe he’s right, but it doesn’t help the gnawing ache in my stomach, or dry the tears that slip from the corners of my eyes, or stifle the sob that breaks through the lump in my throat.

“It’s going to be okay,” Freddy says, pulling me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him as another broken noise escapes my mouth. “No matter what happens, you’re going to be okay.”

Wren is beside us now, too, weaving their arms into the mix. “It might get ugly, but we’re here for you, Caleb. And for Theo.”

“Right,” Freddy adds. “So, don’t beat yourself up. Theo is going to need all the support you can give him if the shit hits the fan.”

I cling to my friends, doing my best to let their words sink beneath my skin as I focus on breathing. The longer I mull it over, the more Freddy makes sense. It’s naive of me to think of my presence in Theo’s life as some supernatural force that altered who he is as a person. He’s always been this way, even if I’m the first boy that’s made him aware of it.

With my breath no longer coming in heaves and a relatively good handle on the crying situation, Wren and Freddy let go, but they don’t go far.

“Are you ready for me to take you home?” Wren asks, brushing a curl off my forehead.

“We can stay as long as you want us to,” Freddy adds.

“Yeah, but you should go back to Andrew,” I say, wiping my face. “I don’t want to ruin your date any more than we already did.”

Freddy raises an eyebrow. “Are you sure? Andrew is very understanding, so he’d be fine.”

I nod. “Positive. Tell him we’re sorry for keeping you.”

“Okay. But call me if you change your mind. I’ll be over in a flash. Unless, of course, Andrew finally decides he’s ready for me to worship at his altar, then maybe there’ll be a delay.” Freddy flashes a devilish grin, and I can’t help but laugh, which does help loosen the knot in my stomach.

“Come on,” Wren says, hooking an arm around my waist. “I’ll blast some really loud music on the way home to help us erase that mental image.”

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