Page 114 of Drown My Sorrow

“It doesn’t matter.”

Shale gets off the chair and stalks over to Kelly, the two alphas stand chest to chest, murmuring to each other before Shale nods.

“Do you want to go back to the city? Which one did you grow up in?” Shale asks.

The city? Go home? I haven’t thought about it in years. Home? I’m not sure. Home is sand, beach, jungle, and endless blue skies.

“Blackburn,” I say uneasily.

“That’s where I moved when I left home,” Kelly says, surprised. “Lia, Locke, and Ryn lived there, too.”

“I hail from Chesterfield.” Ezy says.

“Blackburn,” Gael murmurs.

“And I hail from Silver Falls, Keagan from Kala, and Beau from Greene.”

“And somehow we all randomly rocked up on a tiny island in the middle of the ocean at the same time. Maybe there is such a thing as fate.”

“I don’t believe in fate,” Kelly says.

I turn my head to look at him. “You don’t think it’s fate that we met that day? We only stopped there so my mother could try to beg to keep her job because it was close to the hospital. I normally never go with her. How often did you go to that café, Kelly?”

Kelly shifts. “I’d never been in there before.”

“And then we meet again when you save me from drowning? And you think it’s not fate? It couldn’t be more so.”

Kelly shakes his head. “Coincidence.”

“Then what are scent matches?”

“What about the oracle card?” Gael says. “She painted us before we even knew there were supposed to be six of us.”

It’s the first time Gael has acknowledged he’s Daane, and I can tell it jolts him. Beau beams at him.

I can see the way these guys are pairing up. Their strengths complement each other. Beau’s extrovert energy meeting Gael’s more subdued introvert nature. Kelly’s charm and easy charisma meeting the intensity of Shale’s strength. Ezy’s broken anger being channeled by Keagan’s destructive force.

And how do they compliment me? What can I possibly give back to them?

A tiny voice in my mind whispers that they’d be better off without me.

No, they are protectors, care-takers, friends, lovers, family. I fit with them. Don’t I?

Is that why I'm still so angry with Kelly, Gael, and Ezy still? Not because of them and what they did but because of me and what I lack? Do I think that I might lose the Daane to them? Kind of, yeah. Kelly, Gael, and Ezy are mesmerizing. Are they my competition?

The fear that I’m losing the Daane as the pack has grown is like a tiny light in my heart I can’t put out.

I tear my gaze away from them and look down at my hands. I’m not ready for them to see that I’m all in now, unhappily, unwillingly. My heart beats for them. My eyes look for them. They invade my dreams with whispers, my world with touch, and the very air I take into my lungs carries the scent of them.

But trust is hard to give.

I stand up from the chair I’m sitting on and limp to the window so I can look at the beach. There are so many places I want to see, but, right now, when I close my eyes, the only place I picture us is on the islands where my guys own the island and the Raines own the ocean.

That wave comes at me again, but, this time, it’s pitch black, as dark as oil, and I’m standing on the roof of a skyscraper in the city. There’s nowhere to run, so I brace myself, but I’m not sure I can survive.

The wave hits, and I’m tossed into a free fall off the side of the building, churning and spinning in the dark.

I blink at the sudden return of light.

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