Page 121 of Drown My Sorrow

I wrap my arms around myself, but it doesn’t dispel the bone-deep chill that is with me, no matter how warm the day gets.

I’ve been homeless for a week. I used the last of the money I got from pawning the jewelry dad gave me to buy some bread.

It was stale and burnt, but it was food.

I wonder if I should have bought a knife and ended it all.

Just thinking about slowly starving to death fills me with dread.

I sit down and lean against the building. I’m on the outskirts of town, in the middle of nowhere, stuck on this fucking island. Surrounded by water. There’s no escaping it.

I think of my mother bitterly in these moments.

I try not to think of him anymore.

Day fades to night while I sleep, but I’m woken by loud noises and laughter.

Three guys are walking along the road, laughing and shoving each other. They’re clearly older than me. But maybe not by much. They look fed and healthy.

I scrunch up tighter in my ball, hoping to escape notice.

One stops and turns. I don’t know if he sees me or what, but his entire demeanor turns aggressive and predatory. My mouth waters, and adrenaline hits my system hard.

The other two are alert to his change of mood and imitate it. Aggressively turning towards me.

“Oh, look, a fun game.”

I tense, trying to get smaller. Please, go away, please.

They approach like sharks.

I’m breathing hard and fast when they attack. I let out a shriek, but they don’t touch me. No, instead I hear a male scream of pain. I turn my head and find a fourth man close to me. What was he doing? The realisation of what could have happened sends an even colder chill through me.

I scramble away from them but don’t get far when I get a dizzy spell that sits me on my ass in the street.

They beat him with such violence it’s almost graceful. The sounds of flesh hitting flesh is a violent symphony in the night.

Finally, it ends, and one of the thugs who has stunning blue hair crouches in front of me. Our eyes meet and lock. My world spins more than it did before. The world explodes in night-blooming jasmine. I whine and reach out a hand before I can stop myself.

Scent match.

My perfume, my whine, everything gives me away, but still, he stares at me, shocked, horrified. I pull my hand back, but he reaches out, seizing it. Lightning dances along my fingers.

His pupils dilate, but he shakes it off, finally smiling, finally showing softness and something other than appalled horror.

“Come on, let’s get you somewhere safe.” His voice is deep, calm, and authoritative. I want to cling to him and stay with him forever.

I stare at him with wide eyes while the other two come closer. One has dark hair and more ink than I’ve ever seen, the other has blond hair and a beautiful face, but he looks like life has been hard.

Their scents hit me, too. Green apples, ginger, and blood orange.

Open, friendly, and intoxicating. I’ve been starving for them my whole life.

He reaches for me, pausing when I flinch. I take a breath, but he reaches out, carefully lifting me up. I let out a shriek as lightning streaks up my leg.

“Fuck! What’s wrong with her, Shale?”

I gasp, slowing and controlling my scream until it’s a whimper. Through gritted teeth, I try to force the words out, not wanting them to ever think they were hurting me.

---