Page 2 of Drown My Sorrow

The dark cool of the cave is comforting because it reminds me where I am. And who I am. I glance back over my shoulder at the incredibly gorgeous alpha laying in my nest behind me. I don’t let my eyes linger, I never do.

My memories of my heats are sketchy at best. I know they make me feel so much better than I deserve, and that’s enough for me. I need them, and so I use them. The familiar shame curls its way up around me, pulling me into my black thoughts.

I swing my legs off the bed and let out an involuntary gasp. My leg spasms, and I end up doubled over, my fingers curled in the cheap mattress I bought. My pained hiss is almost silent. I wait it out, ignoring the throb, the lightning fire that dances along my nerves and obliterates all rational thought. All I can do is rock with the pain. I’ve overused the muscles again. I can feel the burn and the stretch, the stiffness that promises the next few days will be excruciating.

Nothing for it. I just need to suck it up and keep going. I have bills that need to be paid.

I push myself into a stand, sweat sliding between my breasts, and pause, balancing on one leg.

“Damn it!”

I’m not entirely certain my stupid leg is going to support my weight at the moment, and I have nothing to grab onto. I count to ten and do it again because I’m a coward, and I fear the pain.

I take a step, and the leg collapses, but before I can fall and hit the ground, I’m caught by powerful arms.

The scent of green apples wraps around me, and, not for the first time, I think that his scent is a damn trap. He smells like apples, innocent and simple, but Shale is anything but innocent. He’s got blue hair, hazel eyes that are always watching me, and this nasty habit of getting into all sorts of trouble with his two pack mates.

He also is adamant that I am their scent match, and, for the last couple of years, they have been relentless in trying to change my mind and resist my attempts to redirect their attention to more worthy matches.

Shale, not that I would ever admit it out loud, is perfection and one of my very good and only friends here on this island I call home.

I struggle in his arms, but he locks them, and I’m caught helpless. I turn my head, burying my face in his shoulder, giving in to the desire to take comfort in him. He carries me easily out of the cave and up the hill of grass to the white house framed with native bushes.

Leaving the cave always feels worse. It leaves me facing my shame and the guilt of what I’ve done to the pack that would be mine if I let them.

The door opens before we get there, and Keagan comes out and leans against the frame. He’s got no top on, and his bleached hair hangs to his shoulders and blows in the breeze. He watches me with disapproval out of the lightest blue eyes I’ve ever seen.

“Hey, baby!”

I snarl at Beau, who squeezes past Keagan and dances over to me. He lifts my hand and kisses it before I can snatch it away. Beau has an accent that has a lilting quality that makes me want to listen to him talk for hours. He’s got shaggy dark hair, and he is covered in tattoos. His green eyes are compelling against his tanned skin, but it’s his smile that undoes me.

While Shale is in charge and takes care of all of us, and Keagan is the rottweiler of the pack, Beau is the one who is lighter, more fun. That’s not to say these three aren’t dangerous because they are extremely dangerous. People fear this pack more than anyone else on the island.

“We talked about this,” I growl mutinously. “You help me with my heat, and you leave. That was the deal.”

“Yeah, we considered it and rejected it unanimously,” Shale says in a low rumble.

He carries me into the house. It’s a dump, most of everything is broken. I have one kitchen chair and a broken armchair. My bed is horrible and held up by cinder blocks. But it’s mine.

“Yep. You get food, baths, and pampering for three hours.”

I glare at them. This is outrageous! But the thought of them seeing me so weak has me sweating ice bullets. “No.”

“No? What do you mean, no, baby girl? You agreed in that pit of a cave that you call a nest? And don’t for one second think I’m giving you a pass on the fact that you crawled back in there. I’m not fucking okay with it, but we can talk about it later. Are you reneging on your deal?” Keagan growls, advancing on me with slow menace.

I can’t go anywhere. I’m stuck in Shale’s arms, trembling, weak. And these guys are the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. They take my breath away.

“I wouldn’t-” I cut off because it’s very possible I would promise them anything in my heat. These three guys are incredible lovers, and they like to hear me beg. And they wouldn’t shy away from manipulation either.

“Just accept the pampering, and then we’ll be out of your hair,” Keagan says and dips his head down to kiss me.

I stiffen and turn away slightly. He pauses, and I can feel the way he’s staring at me, but I ignore it as he gently kisses my cheek. The burn of his disapproving, blood orange scent rebuffs me as easily as his silence does.

I wish it was just sex between us. It would make it easier to keep hurting them. To keep telling them no.

“All right, we have breakfast and a bath. Which would you like first?”

I wrinkle my nose. “A bath?” My voice is tiny, but that’s because reality is returning. I am a broken omega. Physically, I have my injured leg and the scars on my face I hide as best I can. Mentally, I am a basket case. I don’t need a shrink to tell me that. On top of everything, my heats are irregular and random. I can’t even work a normal job or provide for myself well enough that I don’t go hungry a few times a week. There is nothing I have to offer anyone.

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