Page 203 of Drown My Sorrow

PresentDay

I haven’t set foot on this farm since I was twenty-four years old. But I’m here now. It doesn’t feel like home anymore, but maybe that’s the point. We’ve been travelling and sorting things out for a while, and we’re finally here.

A family reunion, something my mother has been begging for since I resurfaced. The air smells weird, familiar but strange without the salt and ocean.

Aspyn whispers something to Keagan, who smirks.

“You weren’t saying that while you were riding my cock this morning, beautiful.”

She turns a sweet smile on him. “Was that you?”

Keagan rushes her, lifting her up, and hanging her upside down. “You know it was me. Maybe I need to fuck you a little better to make sure you know who is dicking you.”

“Maybe you do!”

Beau pulls her free of Keagan and passes her to Gael. The pair of them coddle and kiss her, taking care of her and us with love and affection. Beau teases her and teaches her, while Gael has taken on the role of best friend and lover.

Keagan is temperamental, either quiet and watchful or deliberately stirring her into fiery arguments with him that end up in fucking sessions that leave me in awe.

Shale, Ezy, and I are quieter. But in different ways. Ezy is still finding his feet, but he’s her calm. He is the pack member who will convince her to take it easy and go rest, have her sitting watching a movie with no understanding of how she got there. He has this calm about him again that infects the rest of us and an ability to negotiate where we all fail.

My quiet is solid and strong. Beau and Gael have been calling me Daddy. Which at first disturbed me but is now growing on me.

But if I’m Daddy, Shale is still our protector, the father. He is the one we look to for comfort and safety, the one who guides us, the one who lays down the law. He’s the one who can tell her no and make her eat when she refuses or stop when she needs to stop.

He brushes against me now, our eyes meeting and locking. I grab his hand and stop him because I have something to say, and I don’t want to go any further without saying it. Plus, here where I came from and where I am, my most vulnerable seems fitting.

“I love you.”

What I mean is, I am in love with you. Each and every member of this pack. I love their strengths, their weaknesses. I love how we fit together and gel.

Shale turns and cups my face. “We’re yours, Kelly, and you belong to us. We are pack.”

I close my eyes, feeling the thrum of that, oh, so important distinction. I’m not Raines. Now I’m Daane, and it’s been fitting me better over the last couple of months while Raines has become uncomfortable.

Aspyn takes my free hand and squeezes. “For what it’s worth, in case you need to hear it, we’re all in love with you, too, Kelly.”

I dip my head. I think I did need to hear it.

She walks towards my parents’ house, and I follow obediently. My mother comes out on the porch looking so much the same as she used to. Behind her, Bethany comes out, her long white hair is loose, and when she sees me, she smiles.

My little sister has grown up so much. I remember her walking on wobbly little legs and chasing me around.

Raider follows a moment later. He doesn’t smile at me, but his rage is contained. We might never get along the way we used to, but we’re ready to make an effort, ready to meet halfway.

Locke appears looking so chilled out. Ryn is still reeling from the death of her father, and her eyes are filled with sadness. They found part of his body washed up on an island near to where I watched him walk into the ocean. She was notified not long after that. Even though she hated him, there’s still going to be some hurt, some pain. I know because I feel it, too.

Lia walks out smiling and skips down the steps. She is eternal sunshine, and when she throws herself at me, I catch her, dragging her in for a hug.

“Cousin!” she trills.

I set her down and watch as Wayne, Sol, and Charles come out on the porch. This is my parent pack. The people who loved me more than anyone else, who never hated me for my absence. They taught me right and wrong and the code of conduct I lived my entire life, I learned from these people.

“Keep moving, asshole,” Keagan hisses. “They’re waiting for you.”

I stumble forward, and, suddenly, my dad is holding me, and I’m holding him back, and all the words and hateful things and distance. It’s gone.

“Dad.”

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