Page 214 of Drown My Sorrow

I unbox the last of Noah’s belongings and look at them. It feels weird going through them. I haven’t seen any of this stuff since my parents kicked me out. I run my hands over his school bag and then open it.

Everything inside is fairly normal. Books, lunchboxes, pens, a jumper. It’s frozen in time, but that’s not what I’m searching for. I find the music book right at the back and open it, reading through the lyrics. Locke and Fate’s Destiny have agreed to have a look and see if they can immortalize one of his songs.

I feel like I need to do it, not to say goodbye but just to let go of the endless grief that I’ve carried. And so, Noah will live on and not be forgotten.

I flip to the end of the book and find a note scrawled in his messy writing.

Big bro, if you’re reading this, don’t. Not yet, anyway. I love you, man. I don’t say it enough, but I know what you’ve given up for me. But I just want you to know you’re the best. This song is for you. Whatever happens, we’ll always be together.

That’s it, but under the note is a page number. I turn and open the book to that page.

The song’s title is Gael.

I read it slowly and close the book, looking out at the ocean view. I can feel the pack in me, checking but leaving me alone.

“I found her, Noah. I found her, and I saved her. But she saved me, too. She saved all of us. Ezy has stopped running from the weight of his parents’ expectations. Kelly is reunited with his family, and Shale, Beau, and Keagan. They need us, though I’m not sure they’ll ever admit it. You would have loved them.”

Aspyn creeps into the room and sits beside me. She takes my hand. “Thank you, Noah, for sharing your brother with me.”

The sun sets on the day, and when I get up, I feel like Noah hasn’t gone exactly, but the guilt and all the negative emotions have left me. Now I can remember the good things without pain.

We go inside, and I turn on the laptop I bought and load up Ezy’s emails. I sit Aspyn down and turn the screen to her.

“What are these?”

“These are all the emails he didn’t send. He never stopped writing.”

Aspyn turns to me, stricken. I smile at her and step out of the room.

After an hour, I hear a crash, and then Aspyn’s voice bellowing for Ezy. He goes into the room. They yell for a while but go quiet.

“That was mean,” Kelly says.

“Nah, he never walked away from her like she thought. He just protected himself from hurt. She needed to know that he was always talking to her, even if she couldn’t hear it.”

Beau drags himself over me and nuzzles my neck. Keagan, Kelly, and Shale stand on either side of me. The moon is full tonight and lights up the beach with silver light.

I pull out a drawing I found stashed away in between the pages of Noah’s books and slide it across to Keagan.

“What’s this?”

“My brother wrote a note in the book that Aspyn gave to him. She was fourteen.”

Ezy and Aspyn come out hand-in-hand and join us at the railing. Kelly chokes as he finally gets a good look at the paper.

“What is that?” Aspyn asks.

The paper gets passed back. It’s crude, but it’s clearly a drawing of this moment. With all seven of us standing on a deck looking out at a silver and grey midnight beach.

Aspyn gapes at it, but Beau just laughs.

“Aspyn, you do make our lives interesting, Cher.”

“This is freaky,” Aspyn murmurs.

“No,” Shale says in protest. “It was inevitable. We are inevitable.”

“We are Daane,” I murmur, reading the words she wrote at fourteen, echoing all the way to right now.

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