Page 22 of Drown My Sorrow

I don’t matter to them, and I never have.

I’m not enough.

I’m broken.

Keagan holds me when I cry, and then, when it gets dark, they hand me into Nat’s care and disappear.

Chapter six

Beau

BeauAged16

My mother died when I was a child. My Gran had raised me since then, but she’s struggling. There’s not enough work and not enough money, never enough food. She’s too old, I’m too young. But we get along, and of the three of us, I have it much better than Shale or Keagan. She loves me, and the moment she met them, she loved them, too.

I’ve resorted to stealing and telling her I earned it. It’s not like anyone will give me a job.

I can’t make anything easier. I tried. Everyone in this town knows I’ve tried. Hell, I even talked to her employer, but cleaners need to be fast, so he keeps pushing her. Keeps forcing her to do more. I hate it. I sneak in and help her whenever I can, but I think someone told him because he’s been hanging around, checking up on her.

Keagan passes me a cigarette. I take three long puffs and pass it to Shale.

Shale’s dad has a bit of money, and Shale has been instrumental in covering me in tattoos. He says he likes making me smile.

I think he loves me.

I’m laying with my head in Keagan’s lap when Orla comes running over. Her long black hair is messy, and her eyes are wide like she’s been into her mother’s pills again. She’s speaking so fast her words trip over herself.

“What?” I ask, sitting up.

“Your Gran died!”

“The fuck you say?” I roar at her.

I jump up and run. As fast as I can move my legs. I don’t think I’ve ever moved faster.

It doesn’t change anything. When I get to the doctor’s office, they tell me Gran is dead. She jumped off the cliff. The words are so confusing, how could she have jumped off a cliff? He hands me a sealed envelope with a note inside, explaining everything.

It makes no sense.

I rage.

I scream.

I cry.

But it doesn’t bring her back, and even Shale and Keagan can’t quiet the voice inside that tells me I’ll never be good enough to save the people I love.

I don’t want to watch them all leave me one after another. So I promise that I won’t. I simply won’t let them go. Next time, I will find a way to stop the person I love from leaping.

From leaving me.

PresentDay

“Are we sure about this?” Keagan asks. “We could just bury them somewhere.”

“Nah, she wants ‘em,” I say back and wrinkle my nose.

“I don’t understand why, though.” Shale huffs and tips the bottle of whiskey back, drinking deep.

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