Page 39 of Drown My Sorrow

“Hey, what’s this?”

I blink and realise I’m crying. “Oops, sorry.”

“What were you thinking about?”

I look away. I don’t want to tell him that.

“Oh. Look, Aspyn, he’s an idiot, but idiots can be taught.”

We sit in silence while I wrestle with myself. Finally, I find the courage and sit forward, staring at the floor.

“Beau?” I’ve always wanted to ask this question, but I’ve been too scared, but tonight, it feels different. I feel like maybe I’m ready to ask.

“Yes, Cher?”

“What happened to your gran? How did she die?”

Beau stiffens and then forces himself to relax. “My gran, who was the sweetest, most hardworking omega to ever live, went to the doctors one morning, and the doctors told her she had an illness that would steal her dignity, steal her mobility, and steal her life. She wrote in her letter that she didn’t want me to look after her. She said she knew I would be better off alone than to be a burden to me. So she took her life into her own hands, and she jumped off the cliff.”

“Oh.”

Beau strokes a finger down my cheek. “I would have rather have had some moments with her, had a conversation or something. I would have been honoured to care for her just so we could have more time. We were really poor, and we struggled to stay fed. There wasn’t much work for an old lady or a teenage boy, so I can understand now why she did it, but I know she was wrong.”

I look down at my hands. It’s not that I’ve thought about it seriously, but it occurs to me that living here alone might get dangerous. Sometimes it feels easier to take the final exit.

To kill myself, I silently say, so I’m not a burden to someone I love.

“I can understand why she did it. She must have loved you very much.”

Beau closes his eyes. “She did. I know that, but sometimes you can be wrong. I think she was wrong.” He snuggles in and rubs his face over my hair. “There were a lot of emotions, but it came down to one thing: my heart. I wasn’t ready to be alone, and I wasn’t ready to say goodbye.”

“No one is ready to be alone, Beau. I’m sorry she left you.”

He leans in close and presses his lips to my neck. My body breaks out into goosebumps.

The low light of the fading sunset is leaving us sitting in deep shadows.

“I have to work tomorrow, so, I, uh, might go to bed early tonight.”

Beau stares at me.

I wiggle off his lap and put some space between us and then turn around and stare at him.

“Was that an invitation?” Beau asks, his eyebrows raise, and I hate that there is so much hope in his expression.

I jerk my head in a nod.

He stands up smoothly and reaches for me, but I limp away, heading for the bedroom.

“I’ll be out in a minute.”

I hobble into the bathroom and grip the edge of the basin. What was I thinking? I just…want to be close to him.

I’ve been with him lots of times.

That was only during a heat. This is different.

No, it’s not.

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