Page 43 of Drown My Sorrow

Still, there is no jealousy, only pride. He is, after all, more my child than theirs.

I was here at this school a few years ago, walking through these halls. They are so familiar, nothing seems to have changed. I can remember my friends laughing and teasing me before they moved on with their lives. The sweet memories haunt me some nights. I stayed behind, watching everyone spread wings and soar. I stayed for Noah. To protect him and raise him. I don’t regret my choice.

I pause at a window, looking out and see a girl on crutches. She hobbles slowly, but when she looks up, she looks so damn sad. The expression is made more poignant by her obvious beauty, and the maroon scar that stretches across the left side of her face doesn’t detract from that. My breath catches in my lungs, and the world disappears. All I can do is watch her as the leaves swirl around her. The children become a blur. She must be in so much pain.

I like to rescue people. It’s a whole thing with me, and she screams, ‘I need rescuing,’ louder than anyone I’ve ever seen. Who is she?

But even if she wasn’t needing to be rescued, I’d still stop and stare. She’s got something about her that calls to me.

The kids are whispering, talking about her. I can see it. I hate them for her. As sad as she is, Noah is happy. He spreads joy with that infectious grin of his.

“Gael!”

I turn away from the window and the sad girl to find my brother smiling at me.

“Did you come to save me, big brother?”

I take a swipe at his head. “Always,” I hesitate and then ask anyway. “But who is that?”

Noah looks out the window and nods. “Ah, taking on another project, are you? I’m jealous.” He elbows me, but his smile fades. “It’s really sad. Her dad and sister died, and she was really hurt. They lost everything, including her dad’s business and money. Apparently, he owed quite a bit. She’s now a persona non grata.”

Damn. The kids at this school will rip her apart.

“Who is she?” I murmur, watching her stop in the middle of her walk. The world keeps moving around her, but I’m transfixed.

“That’s Aspyn. Aspyn Montauk. She’s smart and kind and helped me a couple of times. She likes my music.”

Aspyn. The name suits her.

I watch her until she disappears, but then Noah’s teachers call us in, and I don’t think of her again until it’s too late. And she and Noah become just a ghostly memory that keeps me up at night.

PresentDay

My muscles burn with each lift of my weighed down arms. Each time I dip them into the murky depths of the ocean, I say to myself, ‘just one more.’ This escape has skipped ‘seems like a really bad idea’ and jumped straight to ‘this could be a disaster, but we’ve come too far to back out now’. To be fair, we’re halfway along a section of cliff with no beach in sight.

I stop paddling and lay my face down on the board, wheezing.

The sun is setting, and I have to admit, I’m a little uncomfortable being out here at night. Okay, a lot. We don’t know this island; we don’t know the currents or what sharks live here. I want to get back on land right now.

The urgency in my head gets louder and louder, pulsing with my heartbeat.

I lift my head and start paddling again before the others get too far away. I don’t blame Ezy for being mad at me, but I’ve never seen him quite that mad. There was a moment there when I thought he was going to hit me. The bonds roar with his rage, they throb with his disapproval.

Kelly looks over his shoulder but doesn’t say anything.

I get it. I’m the traitor. Even I know what I did was wrong. I went over to the other side, but Aspyn is everything I’ve ever wanted. The chance of being with her was worth it. Until I heard what she had to say today. It was a kick in the teeth. I might have ruined the best relationships I’ve ever had in my life over someone who doesn’t even want me.

The words she gave me still sting. I catch up and paddle beside them.

“What has that look on your face?” Ezy asks with a bite of anger.

I didn’t tell them what she said. I just came back. There’s no way I can tell them or to admit that she’s broken something inside me. That her words are easily the most painful thing anyone has ever said to me. When Noah died, it was like my world had stopped, but Aspyn brought me back to life and then snuffed me out all over again.

“Just sore.”

They can both tell it’s a lie, but they leave it alone. We paddle around a corner, and there’s a small beach in between two massive cliffs. I almost cry with the relief I feel.

“We’re stopping there?” Ezy asks.

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