Page 94 of Drown My Sorrow

It’s both of them. I failed to save Noah.

I need to know that she is doing okay, but Aspyn Montauk is not just a ghost. She virtually disappeared off the face of the planet. Just like Noah did.

Even the private investigator I hired can’t find her.

I look down at the only picture I have of her.

A tiny girl with a too big smile and shining eyes. A photo of Noah sits beside her. School photos are all I have left of these two that disappeared so long ago.

I pick up the whiskey and drink it until it’s gone. Then fill my cup up again. I’m drinking to forget tonight.

I don’t want to remember the way he cried for our parents. I don’t want to remember how scared he was. The way he held my hand and how he gurgled as he slipped away. All I could do was tell him I loved him and hold him while he passed.

It happened so long ago, but every year on the day he died, I feel it all like it was yesterday.

It was so stupid. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time. The idiot with a knife who lashed out and ran for a handful of cash.

A tear slips down my cheek just as an arm wraps around me, drawing me up and away from the book and my drink.

“Gael,” Ezy whispers. “You told me you were okay.”

“I was, then,” I protest.

Ezy smooths my hair back and presses a kiss to my jaw. “You’re not okay, and that’s all right. Come on, Kelly is waiting.”

I shake my head, but he doesn’t give me an option.

I loved my brother.

But Kelly and Ezy are my future.

I need to stop living in the pain and let Noah and Aspyn live in the past where they belong.

PresentDay

‘What have I done’ is a question I’ve asked myself a lot over the years. I did it when Noah died. When my parents blamed me for his death, I took that into me and asked it again. And now, seeing the wariness and fear in the eyes of the omega that is supposed to be mine, I can’t help but wonder yet again: what have I done?

What possessed us to do that? When did she become a pawn in our game of revenge? I miss the wide-eyed wonder in which she used to regard us with. Now, instead, her eyes are shuttered. She takes a step away for every step we try to move closer.

It’s pathetic. We are pathetic. How could we hurt her so badly? The justification wasn’t even halfway decent. It was simply we got hurt, so we lashed out, and who cares about the collateral damage?

That collateral damage was Aspyn.

I expected the Daane to fight us tooth and nail, to beat us black and blue, to war with us. They have been kind and forgiving and far better alphas than we deserve.

I think perhaps I made a mistake.

And that hurts.

I can see how they are with her, and it’s not an act to get into her heats. They genuinely love her. Why couldn’t I see that before? No, I did see that before. I just kept talking myself into the thought that they were evil.

I return from my short walk and smile at her, though she doesn’t smile back like she would have a few days ago. Now she stares at me as if I am a danger or a threat to her.

“I found us a way up there.”

Shale turns to me with a small frown. “How did you do that? We’ve tried everyone?”

My face gets all hot, and now the pride I had in this achievement whittles away, leaving me feeling embarrassed and reluctant to explain.

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