Page 95 of Drown My Sorrow

“I, ah, pulled some strings. The, uh, name got us a ride up there.”

Shale doesn’t take my embarrassment or shame and rub my nose in it like he should. Instead, he claps his hand on my shoulder.

“Good job, Alpha.”

I’m reminded vividly of our kiss. The way he felt made me feel wanted and needed.

I haven’t felt like that in a long time.

I look down at my hands, and when I look up, Shale has gone, and he’s left me with her.

“Aspyn?”

She looks at me and raises an eyebrow.

“I want to apologise. What we did was wrong. So fucking wrong on so many levels, and I’m sorry. The gravity of what we were doing to you got lost in the anger we had towards the Daane.”

My words surprise her, but she quickly covers it up and shrugs.

“Thank you for the apology.”

“I would like to start again-”

“Look, Gael, you seemed nice, but I think it’s clear I can’t trust my judgement. I have no interest in you. I don’t want to even know you. But the Daane has decided that you are pack, and I’m pack, but I’m not convinced it means the same one. So, let’s be polite, but we don’t have to do this.”

My expression slowly morphs, and I feel like weeping. It’s the same feeling as when I sit up alone, feeling like half of me is missing when I think of Noah. I don’t want to lose her. She doesn’t fill that hole, but she feels like another Noah. Someone who is so important to me that it would be like that. A total and complete amputation of part of my heart.

“I understand,” I say through numb lips.

She almost looks guilty, but I don’t want that.

“Don’t feel guilty, Aspyn,” I murmur. “We did this to ourselves. You don’t need to feel bad about how you feel.”

Her eyes get glassy, and she takes a moment to inhale deeply.

“Aren’t you still angry with the pack? Or did that suddenly disappear?” The angry tone is easier than her emotion-filled eyes.

I ponder it for a second. “No, I’m still angry. I have never felt so helpless and afraid as I did that night. To be bonded to people I didn’t know, who had no scruples, who appeared to delight in our fear and pain. Of course, I’m still angry at them.”

“Then how can you be talking about starting again?” She asks in an icy voice.

From what I can see, this omega has spent her whole life at the whims of people who are stronger than her. Who have done things for reasons that have simply been to humiliate and cause her pain. The Daane did this thing to us to protect her.

I am an idiot.

“Because my desire to see you smile at me again, to earn your trust back, is more important to me than my feelings towards the pack, and I think…no, I know I will do whatever it takes, even forgiving them. Please, excuse me, I don’t want to upset you further. I’ll go and find you something to eat and see if our driver is ready.”

Before she can protest, I turn on my heel and try to march away, but the soft feel of her hand on my arm stops me faster than a million chains.

I glance back at her, but I can see her fighting for words, fighting for something.

“You don’t need to try so hard to accept us, Aspyn. Treat us badly, make us crawl. Don’t feel guilty at all for being mad.”

She fights for a moment longer and then lets her hand slide off of my arm.

The lack of physical contact is like stepping out into a winter’s day. It’s cold, and the wind has an echo. I feel alone.

I always feel alone.

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