Page 35 of Royal Crush

I scoffed. “You know I don’t care about that. And my parents would throw a damn ball if they found out I was actuallyinterested in someone who wanted me back. They wouldn’t give a shit who he was or where he came from.”

“So what’s the problem?”

Closing my eyes, I took a long breath. “He’s a good person. And we both know I’m not. I wouldn’t know how to be a good partner if my life depended on it.”

“That’s not true. You just don’t want to believe in yourself because it’s easier than letting yourself down when you screw up.” He stared at me over the rim of his own mug, his eyes narrow and challenging.

“When did you get that therapist degree again?”

“It’s honorary from solving all your royal problems for the last two decades.”

I couldn’t help a small laugh. “Fuck off.”

“No.” He grinned back.

Silence settled around us, and I finished half the tea before it became too tepid for me to enjoy. Clicking my nails on the mug, I listened to the sound echo off the walls, and it was easy to become aware of the profound silence in the palace.

The upgrades were modern, but the stone was ancient. Half the history had never been written down in books—just told as rumors and myths from parents to children, over and over until they were distorted and fantastical and…wrong.

It never did feel like home, and I knew it never would.

I was not built for this life, but I had no idea what kind of life I could hope to have outside of it.

“My parents would love him for all the wrong reasons.” The words I used to break the silence were ones I had been hoarding in my chest, afraid to say them aloud.

Cillian tilted his head to the side. “Because he’s famous.”

“And he’s so good-looking.” I smiled, though it hurt a little. “And because he wants me. They’ve always stood by me and told me to be myself—that the right person would come along. Butwhen they think I can’t hear them, they talk about arranging a marriage for me because they don’t actually think anyone wants a disabled husband.”

Cillian’s face fell, but I could see it in his expression. He’d heard the same talk over the years. “What they want for you shouldn’t matter. And you shouldn’t reject someone you like to spite them.”

“But spite feels so good.”

He rolled his eyes with his laugh. “Oh, believe me, I know. But it’s also lonely, and you deserve better than to be lonely.” He tipped his mug all the way back, slurping it down before setting it on the table beside mine. “What can it hurt to try?”

Everything. I could let myself be truly vulnerable for the first time in years, and it would ruin me. I was strong, but I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to put together my own shattered pieces for a second time.

“I should apologize,” I eventually said.

“You should. He looked like you’d ripped his heart out and shown it to him.”

Normally I would have liked that power over a man who wanted me, but somehow, it felt dangerous in my hands. How could I trust myself with something so delicate? “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

“Yes,” he said without hesitation. “But what do you lose if he doesn’t?”

He was right, I supposed. I’d already done my best to ruin everything. I’d settled on that moment between us being a onetime thing. Never again. So what did I have to lose other than a bit more of my pride?

“I think I can try to sleep now.”

“Want me to push you back?”

Some nights, I did say yes, when the day had been long, and my arms were exhausted. And that was today, but in thismoment, I didn’t want to be a pampered prince. I wanted some penance. “I’ll be alright.”

He smiled and stood up, leaning over to kiss me on the forehead. “A simpleI’m sorryreally does work wonders, Cam. Sweet dreams.”

I sat there until I couldn’t hear his feet on the tiles anymore. And it was only when I was a hundred percent certain I was alone that I turned on my wheels and headed back to my room to contemplate how much strength I actually had in me to right my wrongs.

Ten

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