Page 19 of Beautiful Scars

But it doesn’t. Or at least it hasn’t yet. Maybe because everything happened so fast, or maybe it’s because I’m too busy trying to keep up with him. Whatever the reason now that I’m aware of it, I can’t think about anything else.

We stop in front of a sleek and shiny black truck that stands out like a sore thumb in the middle of all the beat-up sedans and rusty second-hand trucks. Levi’s hand drops to his side, and for a second, neither of us seem sure of what to do next. Awkwardness settles into the space between us, thick and uncomfortable. It stays until he clears his throat, breaking the tension.

"So, uh, do you need a ride?"

I hesitate, looking first at Levi, then back towards the school as if I might actually be considering going back. I wouldn't of course, not now, but the idea of getting into a car with Levi, of being that close to him is... unsettling to say the least.

“No. I can walk.” It's disappointing how weak the words sound.

“Sunny, I was only asking to be nice. We both know I'm not about to let you walk away from here by yourself. Not after what just happened." He pauses and raises an eyebrow. "Get in.”

I open my mouth to argue but judging by the tone of his voice and set of his jaw, he's serious. I don't think I'd win the argument, regardless of how good a case I made for myself if it came down to it. And honestly? I don't have the heart to try right now.

I let out a slow breath and nod as he reaches for the door handle and pulls. I climb up into the passenger seat, and he shuts the door. I stare out the window focusing on keeping my breath under control even as my brain screams at me in protest for willingly allowing myself to get trapped.

Levi gets in on the driver’s side, and for a moment, we just sit there, neither of us saying a word. The silence is heavy. And awkward. Finally, he starts the engine, the low hum filling the cab of his truck. “So… where to? Where were you gonna go if you hadn't gone to class today?"

"Nowhere." I pause and shrug. My voice comes out shaky. "A-anywhere. I probably would've spent the day walking. I didn't have a plan or anything.

Levi nods, his eyes focused out the window. "I can work with that." He starts the car, puts it into gear, and starts backing out. "Anywhere but here sounds perfect right now."

And then, a little softer, a little quieter. "You can relax. I told you I'm not going to hurt you."

We drive in silence for awhile. The rhythm of the tires on the pavement fills the quiet space and before long I do, much to my surprise, begin to relax. The streets blur together, getting further and further apart, as we drive into parts of the city it’s been years since I’ve seen. One more sharp turn and Easton Creek begins to fade into the distance. Levi turns on the radio and I roll down the window. Classic rock blasts out of the speakers and a cool breeze washes through the cab of the truck. There's nothing but open road in front of us, and for the first time in a long time, I’m not thinking about school. Or Zack. Or Garrett. Just the hum of the tires on the road and the way the wind rushes through the window.

And then, I recognize the turn ahead. I sit up straighter, my heart picking up speed. "Hey. I know a place. Somewhere we can go. Turn up here."

When Levi turns on to the dirt road, all the memories come flooding back at once. Most of the only good ones I have were made at the end of this road.

I lean over, holding my head out the window, smiling when the wind catches my hair, swirling and whipping it around my face and leaving me breathless. I haven't been out here in over five years, but it's exactly the way I remember it.

"It's right up here, keep following the road."

When I pull my head back in, I replace it with my hand, letting my fingers surf the wind. Levi glances over at me and laughs. It's a low, warm, comforting sound, not the sharp, hard-edge laughter I'm so used to hearing. I close my eyes, and smile, letting myself sink into the pure pleasure of the moment. It's been a long time since I've felt this light.

When we round the last corner, the smell of warm earth and cool water fills my nose. I toss my head back and laugh—a deep, full-throated laugh that shakes my whole body. I don’t care how I look right now or what Levi might think—for the first time in years, I can remember the person I used to be. The wind, the sun, the smells. They all remind me that there was a time when things were different. WhenIwas different.

Another half mile and the lake comes into full view. It's even more beautiful than I remember. The carpet of soft summer-green grass leading to the edge of the lake is lush and untouched by fall yet. Bright patches of color—sunflowers, ironweed, yarrow and asters—dot the rolling hills surrounding the water. The air is alive with the sound of frogs and birds resting in the cattails growing out of the muddy bank. Tall trees—a mixture of oaks, cottonwoods and willows—cast deep shadows over the water that the mid-morning sun has turned into liquid gold. It's breathtaking.

Levi pulls the truck up to the spot where dusty gravel meets grass and turns it off. He's staring out the window and I hear him mutter, "Holy hell, Angel. This is amazing."

I barely wait for the truck to stop completely before I'm out and running towards the dock. It stretches out over the glowing surface of the lake. The faded wood creaks and groans under my weight. Each step takes me further out into the water with a satisfying hollow thud and a subtle shifting under my feet. When I get to the end, I sit down and rush to take off my shoes, stuffing my socks inside. I scoot to the edge, roll up my pants and let my feet dangle in the cool, clear water. My entire body lets out a sigh. It doesn't take long before the dock sways and rocks letting me know Levi is coming.

"I don't think I've ever seen you smile like this. You should do it more often. It looks good on you," he says wearing a very self-satisfied smirk as he settles down next to me.

"Yeah. Um, so you've told me," I say playfully.

I'm rewarded with a deep, embarrassed sounding laugh. When I look up Levi's cheeks are flushed pink and his eyes are focused on some distant point across lake. "That was pretty awful, wasn't it."

"A little."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I was an idiot." He shuffles his feet. "So, how did you know this place was here?"

I kick my feet in the water enjoying the sound of splashing and the cold water on my toes. "My dad and I used to come here a lot. He loved it here. We'd spend the entire day swimming and fishing. This is where I learned to skip rocks." I swallow down the lump forming in my throat. "We'd always have the whole place to ourselves. I don't think a lot of people know it's here. The last time we came out here was right before..." My voice fades and I tilt my face up to the sun. "It's been a long time."

"I'm sorry Sunny," Levi says. I turn to look at him and his face is serious, concerned.

"It's okay. It shouldn't bother me as much as it does still. I miss him though. A lot."

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